Maybe something for wives and partners if you've just found out your other half is a crossdresser..

If you met me for the first time, I don't think you'd look at me and think, “I bet he's a crossdresser.”

And that's probably one of the things I find most interesting about my own journey and that of lots of other men who escape for a while by Crossdressing.

I'm a fairly traditionally masculine bloke.

I'm a husband and a dad. I'm involved in sport and coaching. I've played sport, I keep myself reasonably fit, I walk most mornings and go to the gym.

I'm competitive, I like football, rugby and cricket, and I'm a heavy metal fan.

At work I'm used to responsibility, pressure and leading people.

My everyday male wardrobe isn't exactly flamboyant.. jeans, shorts, sports shirts, T-shirts, joggers, trainers and shoes.

Pretty ordinary bloke territory.

So if you met me in my normal life, I doubt crossdressing would be anywhere near your list of assumptions.

I even told my wife's friends once I was a crossdresser and their response.. As if you'd be a crossdresser.. I told them knowing they'd think I was joking.

I think society has created a particular image of what a crossdresser looks like.

People often imagine an effeminate man.

Perhaps someone who is already visibly feminine, soft in manner or obviously interested in traditionally feminine things.

But that's not me, that's not the vast majority of Crossdressers I've chatted to on line.

And I think that's an important part of the conversation.

I'm not trying to escape being a man because I dislike being one

Quite the opposite.

I'm comfortable being a man.

I enjoy being a husband, a dad, a coach and all the traditionally masculine things that come with my life.

But being that person all the time can be exhausting.

There's a lot attached to being the man in a family.

Work responsibility.

Financial responsibility.

Looking after the house.

Being a father.

Being a husband.

Helping my parents as they get older.

Being the person who is expected to sort things out.

Being strong when other people need you to be strong.

And then there's the pressure we put on ourselves.

Men aren't always particularly good at saying:

“I'm struggling.”

We're often better at getting on with it.

Keep going.

Fix the problem.

Look after everyone else.

Don't complain.

Be the strong one.

Man up!

I've spent a large part of my adult life doing exactly that.

And then there's Davina.

The complete contrast

When I dress, I'm not trying to become a better version of the man.

I'm temporarily stepping away from him.

That's an important distinction.

I don't want to be the bloke dealing with emails, family logistics, work pressures and responsibilities for a few hours.

I want to put all of that down.

Makeup goes on.

The wig goes on.

The dress.

Lingerie.

Hosiery.

Heels.

Perfume.

And gradually the transformation happens.

It's not just putting on women's clothes anymore.

Over the years I've moved from simply wearing something feminine for 20 or 30 minutes to wanting the complete presentation.

I want to look in the mirror and see Davina.

And when everything comes together, something changes in my head.

I feel feminine.

I feel attractive.

I feel relaxed.

And, perhaps most importantly, I feel like I have temporarily put the weight of being the man down.

That's the escape.

The irony is that I'm probably exactly the person people wouldn't expect

Imagine sitting down with me talking about football or cricket.

You might hear about coaching.

You might hear about work.

You might hear about family.

You might see the sports clothes, the trainers and the fairly ordinary male wardrobe.

You probably wouldn't imagine that upstairs there are around 50 dresses belonging to my feminine side.

Different colours.

Different styles.

Heels.

Boots.

Hosiery.

Lingerie.

And a collection of well organised makeup that can transform my face almost magically.

That's the contradiction that fascinates me.

The masculine and feminine sides aren't necessarily enemies.

They're two expressions of the same person.

I don't become a different person

When I'm Davina, I don't suddenly lose everything that makes male me.

I'm still the same person underneath.

I haven't forgotten I'm a husband.

I haven't forgotten I'm a dad.

I haven't forgotten the responsibilities.

I'm simply allowing another part of myself some space.

And perhaps that's why I've never really understood the assumption that crossdressing must mean someone is unhappy being masculine, or he must be feminine or a sissy..

For me, it's almost the opposite.

The more comfortable I've become with my masculine self, the more comfortable I've become exploring my feminine self.

Maybe that's the real misconception

I think there are millions of men who crossdress who don't fit the stereotype.

Men with wives.

Men with children.

Men with careers.

Men who play sport.

Men who lift weights.

Men who run businesses.

Men who lead teams.

Men who are traditionally masculine in almost every visible aspect of their lives.

And somewhere behind that ordinary male exterior is a side that only appears when circumstances allow it.

Some crossdressers will experience sexuality or kink as part of it.

Some won't.

Some will want to go out.

Some will only ever dress privately.

Some will identify strongly with being a tgirl.

Others simply see themselves as a man who enjoys femininity.

There isn't one correct version.

That's something I've increasingly realised through writing, talking to other crossdressers and listening to their stories.

We're incredibly diverse.

And perhaps that's why I keep writing

When I started writing about Davina, I wasn't really expecting much.

It was simply a way of getting thoughts out of my head.

But then people started messaging me.

Crossdressers telling me that something I'd written described exactly how they felt.

Wives reading my blog and saying that it helped them understand.

Men who had been frightened to talk about this side of themselves finding the courage to start a conversation with their partners.

That's incredibly fulfilling.

Because perhaps the most important thing I've discovered is that you can't always tell who is a crossdresser by looking at them.

The bloke standing next to you at the football might be one.

The dad at the school event might be one.

The guy in the gym might be one.

The man sitting quietly on the train might be one.

And none of them necessarily look feminine.

They might look exactly like me.

A completely ordinary bloke...

Who occasionally wants to become someone extraordinary to himself.

Davina isn't the opposite of who I am.

She's another part of who I am.

And when life gets too full of being the man, sometimes I need a few precious hours where I can put that role down.

Not because I hate being male me

But because sometimes...

it's incredibly refreshing to be Davina. 👠❤️