Ms Krista and I were chatting on Discord and I promised to get up at 01:50 to take part in her podcast.. Shes lovely and understands why some men Crossdress. Her Podcast Kinks & Drinks covers a variety of topics and this one for me I just had to be part of as it was titled Why to men want to be Feminine..

So here's my Crossdresser’s Perspective on Femininity, Escape and Identity plus Ms Krista of Enchantrix Empire.

I found it genuinely interesting. What I particularly enjoyed was hearing some of the myths around crossdressing challenged and, hopefully, seeing some truth emerge about why men actually crossdress.

There probably isn't one single answer.

For some, it may be sexual. For others, it might be identity, expression, curiosity, fashion, relaxation or simply enjoying something society traditionally tells men they shouldn't enjoy.

For me, one of the biggest parts of it is escape.

Escaping the Male Role

Men are often given a very narrow script.

Be strong.

Be confident.

Don't show weakness.

Take responsibility.

Be in control.

Don't be too emotional.

Be the provider.

Be the man everyone expects you to be.

Man Up!!

And many men become very good at playing that role.

But what happens when you want to step outside it for a while?

That is where femininity can become incredibly powerful.

Putting on feminine clothes isn't necessarily about wanting to become a woman. It can simply be about temporarily stepping away from the expectations attached to being a man.

For some of us, becoming feminine gives us permission to relax.

To be softer.

To be playful.

To concentrate on our appearance.

To enjoy beauty.

To stop being the person who has to have all the answers.

It's More Than the Clothes

People sometimes look at crossdressing and think it's simply about putting on a dress, a pair of tights or some heels.

But for many crossdressers, the clothing is only part of the experience.

There is something about the transformation.

The clothes.

The makeup.

The hair.

Perfume.

The feeling of hosiery against the skin.

The way heels change how you stand and walk.

The way you look in the mirror afterwards.

Suddenly, you aren't looking at the same version of yourself that you see every day. It's a revelation in the mirror a wig and makeup is transformative magic.

And that can be incredibly liberating.

For me, becoming Davina isn't about pretending that my male life doesn't exist. It's about temporarily putting some of that male identity to one side.

Davina gives me a different space to exist in.

The Great Misunderstandings

One of the things I found particularly interesting during the call was how many misconceptions there are about men who crossdress.

“He's gay.”

Not necessarily probably not at all nor bisexual - I'm straight love my wife love women always have.

“He wants to be a woman.”

Not necessarily - I don't as I'm a Dad, a Husband and love that.

“He's unhappy being a man.”

Again, not necessarily - But this is a great temporary escape.

“It's purely sexual.”

Definitely not for everyone - I feel sexy I can't deny that but it's not sexual or a kink..

These assumptions are understandable if someone has never experienced crossdressing themselves, but they can be incredibly frustrating when they're treated as universal truths.

A heterosexual married man can enjoy femininity.

A man can love his wife and family and still enjoy dressing.

A man can be completely comfortable being male and still enjoy presenting as feminine.

Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

Femininity Can Be Freedom

Perhaps that's the part of the discussion that resonated with me most.

Femininity can provide a kind of freedom that isn't always available in traditional male life.

You can concentrate on how you look without feeling ridiculous.

You can enjoy beautiful clothes.

You can experiment with makeup and perfume.

You can explore a different side of your personality.

You can be vulnerable.

You can simply have fun.

And there is something wonderfully refreshing about giving yourself permission to do something without having to justify it.

But Everyone's Story Is Different

I think this is important.

We shouldn't replace one stereotype with another.

Not every crossdresser is submissive.

Not every crossdresser is sexual.

Not every crossdresser wants to transition.

Not every crossdresser has childhood trauma.

Not every crossdresser is trying to escape their male identity.

And not every crossdresser will experience femininity in the same way I do.

There are probably as many reasons for crossdressing as there are crossdressers.

That's why conversations like the one I joined are so valuable.

Instead of telling people what crossdressing means, we can actually listen to people who do it.

My Takeaway

What I took away from the call was that perhaps we spend too much time asking:

“Why does he want to be a woman?”

when the better question might be:

“What does being feminine give him that he doesn't get from his everyday life?”

For some, the answer might be sexual.

For others, it might be confidence.

For others, identity.

For others, creativity.

And for people like me, part of the answer is ESCAPE.

It's a chance to step away from the pressures of being the man everyone expects me to be and experience another side of myself.

Not necessarily a replacement for my male identity.

Not necessarily a secret desire to become somebody else.

Just another part of who I am.

Maybe that's why I enjoyed being part of the call so much.

There were myths being challenged, experiences being shared and, most importantly, people actually listening to one another.

And perhaps that's what the crossdressing community needs more of.

Less judgement.

Fewer assumptions.

More conversations.

Because sometimes the simplest explanation is also the most honest:

We crossdress because it makes us feel good, and sometimes it gives us a freedom that we can't find anywhere else.

Davina