I dressed for a few hours one evening in January 23 (My wife took the kids out giving me opportunity to dress) which was the first time since I was in MK with work for 2 nights in October 22 which was the first time in ages due to my oldest finishing secondary school and starting college which means shes back and forth during the day no longer in school 0900-1500 my opportunity to dress working from home gone. Before this was when she was doing her exams then it was summer holidays and no time alone up to October when i was away with work..
I'm going 6 months at a time without dressing. Am I even a crossdresser?
Similarly the kids being teenagers don't need to stay at baby sitters any more so bang goes our girls nights in with the kids at our parents.
So I've been deep in thought.. How do i get Davina time??
My oldest had a trip away with friends a long weekend this weekend gone so I thought weeks back that Friday she goes away I'll dress working from home.. get a few hours in 0900-1400.
But then my boss calls a face to face meeting and bang goes the day working from home ..
Maybe we do something Friday night and I ship the youngest off to my parents and have a night in as Davina ah but we have something on friday night so no..
So maybe we do saturday night.. No as my youngest isn't very well curled up on the setee.. Sunday a packed day and Monday today was my last thought working from home as a fall back... but alas its half term with the littlest home and the oldest back from her trip away..
So when does this crossdresser get to crossdress.. Never it seems.. how utterly and miserably frustrating.
Work has fried my brain over the last few months (pretty exhausting being asked for help and advice all day and having to argue the way forward nationally and explain to people outside my field of expertise why we need to do something and how the strategy i'm promoting will pay off in the end etc)
So a few days off over half term but now gone well over 6 months without crossdressing and 6 months ago it was an hour stolen working from home when my oldest was on work experience but even that was on dodgy ground as some days she was home half day from that hence I only allowed myself an hour which seemed a waste of time.
Frustrating and im stuck in a constant state of stress and groundhog day of work work work and outside work duties like a 2nd job and other worries about life in general and finances which is all getting to me and making me miserable.
I know some quality time crossdressed would help but where do i get this quality time? I see tiktoks of women showing off what they're wearing each day and think i'd love to have a day or night trying new looks, different outfits and makeup looks it would be fun. Also seeing on Flikr some t girls posting new pics daily some weekly getting opportunity to dress and some going for expensive makeovers looking fabulous.
Book some time away or in a hotel to dress? - That costs money.. Go to more face to face meetings with work and stay away the night.. I have commitments at home and pointless when i can join meetings via video plus the amount of work i have on.
There's little hope at the moment and for the forseeable future of becoming Davina at home.. No escapism = Knackered brain, crap sleep, crap mental health, miserable, bored and no way of de-stressing.. And now the clocks have changed and cocked up my body clock. Hate this time of year with dark mornings and nights I definately get SAD which is some Autumn Seasonal affected disorder
Symptoms of SAD can include:
a persistent low mood - Yep pretty much
a loss of pleasure or interest in normal everyday activities - Yep and so bored all the time
irritability - Definately
feelings of despair, guilt and worthlessness - Not so much
feeling lethargic (lacking in energy) and sleepy during the day - Definately knackered all the time
sleeping for longer than normal and finding it hard to get up in the morning - The opposite not sleeping
craving carbohydrates and gaining weight - I am gaining weight and can't get motivated back on diet and fitness
difficulty concentrating - Sometimes
decreased sex drive - I wouldnt say that my sex drive is always high
The main theory is that a lack of sunlight might stop a part of the brain called the hypothalamus working properly, which may affect the:
production of melatonin – melatonin is a hormone that makes you feel sleepy; in people with SAD, the body may produce it in higher than normal levels
production of serotonin – serotonin is a hormone that affects your mood, appetite and sleep; a lack of sunlight may lead to lower serotonin levels, which is linked to feelings of depression
body's internal clock (circadian rhythm) – your body uses sunlight to time various important functions, such as when you wake up, so lower light levels during the winter may disrupt your body clock and lead to symptoms of SAD
I guess a lot of t-girls here are experiencing this.
It's weird but the older I'm getting the more I think as I'm sat bored that I could go and crossdress and just chill out but life doesn't allow it.. so I'm stuck in a rut.
Davina