Katie has put some good questions to Karens post on her one year on from finding her husband is a crossdresser.
They're good and valid questions so thought I'd put them here for the wives and GFs here to mull over and maybe answer if you're ok with doing that so here goes.
We as Crossdressers know and hate that wives can go through a lot of torment over the fact we crossdress, if we've confessed to them, they find out or they suspect.
We're lucky to have quite a few wives here who have accepted their husbands dressing. soo...
1. What did you think it meant for your marriage?
2. Did you fear that it would be the end of your marriage?
3. Did you think that him being a crossdresser would mean it would have to end?
4. Did you think he was gay or wanted to be a woman?
5. Did you think that you finding out would mean he would leave you?
6. Or was the reason you felt it might end was because of the secret he had kept and the loss of trust?
7. Was that worse than the crossdressing?
8. Do you still feel that crossdressing is still a big deal in your lives or is it just like another 'hobby' that you can both share?
9. I can imagine that at first it consumed every waking hour but has that changed?
Look forward to seeing what the ladies answer to these questions as we go through so much guilt, frustration and angst and at the same time you're going through a huge mix of emotions and questions and fears.
The Kubler-Ross curve again.
Davina
Doesn't sound like you had a good coming out Karen with your husband sorry to hear that.
Hope you can find positives now and also realise crossdressing isn't the be all and end all of our husbands its a part of them but not something front and centre all the time.
Hannah (Wife)
Oh Karen I'm sorry sounds like you've had a pretty negative experience.
Hope you're ok.
When you feel this way please come seek out some nice chatter in here.
Like some of us wives this is our space in terms of our husbands are not on here.
Mine never knows what to put on here I've said he can join now but at first i kept this for me and gradually showed him the chatter and conversations and now he usually reads here and updates me on whats being discussed or we read together and sometimes i add something he's said.
I'm happy for him to join but we did see one conflict here back 2 summers ago now i suppose with much valued Sindy in here who i think wasnt British so had a slightly different view but helped keep feet on the ground here as a not fully accepting more tolerating wife and her husband came in and read her thoughts and they had a public spat here and it was all deleted and shes never been back sadly.
So this could be your safe place your husband doesnt have to know about or be part of i suppose.
Emma (Wife)
1. What did you think it meant for your marriage?
Thought it was over and he would want a divorce.
2. Did you fear that it would be the end of your marriage?
Yes. Not sure why but logic wasn’t very present at that time.
3. Did you think that him being a crossdresser would mean it would have to end?
It took him three days of avoiding the subject before he even confirmed he was a cross dresser.
4. Did you think he was gay or wanted to be a woman?
Thought he might be gay. Didn’t cross my mind he wanted to be a woman.
5. Did you think that you finding out would mean he would leave you?
Yes I thought he had had enough of me but didn’t know how to tell me.
6. Or was the reason you felt it might end was because of the secret he had kept and the loss of trust?
There was an element of that. I had a big issue with being lied to.
7. Was that worse than the crossdressing?
In the big scheme of things him wearing a dress is nothing. The secrets and deceit is worse.
8. Do you still feel that crossdressing is still a big deal in your lives or is it just like another 'hobby' that you can both share?
Not a big deal. Hopefully we can share. Told him I don’t want to be left out of that side of him.
9. I can imagine that at first it consumed every waking hour but has that changed?
It has diminished a bit as time has gone on and the anger has lessened but can consume me on occasion and I find I have to pull back for my sanity.
Hi Katie,
Come on ladies these girls have told us plenty about them lets give them some feedback 😄
1. What did you think it meant for your marriage?
2. Did you fear that it would be the end of your marriage?
3. Did you think that him being a crossdresser would mean it would have to end?
4. Did you think he was gay or wanted to be a woman?
5. Did you think that you finding out would mean he would leave you?
6. Or was the reason you felt it might end was because of the secret he had kept and the loss of trust?
7. Was that worse than the crossdressing?
8. Do you still feel that crossdressing is still a big deal in your lives or is it just like another 'hobby' that you can both share?
9. I can imagine that at first it consumed every waking hour but has that changed?
Emma (Wife)
Anymore takers?
1. What did you think it meant for your marriage?
Thought he was a pervert and it was over
2. Did you fear that it would be the end of your marriage?
At first yes. Seeing him break down crying showed me how much it meant to him dressing and me our marriage hes not a crier.
3. Did you think that him being a crossdresser would mean it would have to end?
I didnt want it to
4. Did you think he was gay or wanted to be a woman?
Yes asked both and it turns out hes bisexual, i didn't think i would be but I'm ok about it. Took me seeing it happen to realise i was ok with it (long story)
5. Did you think that you finding out would mean he would leave you?
No
6. Or was the reason you felt it might end was because of the secret he had kept and the loss of trust?
Not really although im looking back now hard to recall how i really felt numb i suppose
7. Was that worse than the crossdressing?
No crossdressing was a shock
8. Do you still feel that crossdressing is still a big deal in your lives or is it just like another 'hobby' that you can both share?
Its a fun aspect for us both now
9. I can imagine that at first it consumed every waking hour but has that changed?
I was numb but on line resources, blogs including Davinas, chatting on tvchix and this forum helped plus meeting him dressed, helping him dress and do makeup shopping cam fun its all good now.
Hannah (Wife)
1. What did you think it meant for your marriage?
It was a shock finding him dressed as a woman at the time i was too shocked to think further than what i was seeing. We didn't talk for hours after and going through my head was he's a pervert, is he gay and i didn't know what it meant for our marriage.
2. Did you fear that it would be the end of your marriage?
If he was Gay it was over and if he wanted to be a woman it was over. I cried a lot.
3. Did you think that him being a crossdresser would mean it would have to end?
At first see my answer to question 2 but then i did the inevitable and went on the internet and we eventually talked about it. I read lots of negative things on the internet then after we talked and he said he wasn't gay, didn't want to be a woman i typed in why do men crossdress and found Davinas blog and saw his wife Esme and i could read the turmoils in Davinas head and what his wife was doing in acceptance in stages. So i saw some hope but didn't know if I wanted any part of it at first.
4. Did you think he was gay or wanted to be a woman?
I jumped the gun see question 2 i asked those questions
5. Did you think that you finding out would mean he would leave you?
No i never thought this
6. Or was the reason you felt it might end was because of the secret he had kept and the loss of trust?
I wasn't so much affected by loss of trust him keeping this a secret as we've discussed since he was scared if i found out i'd leave him and as we know now its his escapism, hes not gay and doesn't want to be a woman I see why he was scared to tell me knowing one I'd be upset and two it could end badly for him if i kicked him out and rejected him for being a crossdresser. It just was not something anyone would expect him to do. Had he been feminine acting as a man maybe it would have been easier but hes the opposite so i think it came as a huge shock.
7. Was that worse than the crossdressing?
No i understand why he kept this from me its not a big lie or a huge deception its something he did personally and he feared rejection should i find out. I see it as he kept this from me to also in a way protect me from being upset by his crossdressing and worried by it. He says if i hadn't found out he doesn't think he'd have ever had the courage to have told me and would have carried on in secret.
8. Do you still feel that crossdressing is still a big deal in your lives or is it just like another 'hobby' that you can both share?
Its a hobby we can share and have fun with, share a private joke with and we've even been intimate with. I know he gets stressed out in work and i know I can lay out something on the bed for him and say I can see you're stressed out why don't you get dressed and unwind from it later.
9. I can imagine that at first it consumed every waking hour but has that changed?
Yes this is right i couldn't sleep and its fortunate I found Davinas blog which i read avidly jotting down notes and questions to ask my husband. It eased fears seeing similarities in Davina as a man and my husband and in what Davina was saying about why he/she dressed up, how Esme was taking it and why he dressed up and i asked my husband if he was doing it for the same reasons and i think within a few weeks we progressed some acceptance which took Davina and Esme years.
Without the blog I don't know what would have happened I needed a chink of light in amongst all the feminist crossdressing articles saying run for the hills.
When we all started chatting in the Blog guestbook it was great to see a few other wives going through similar around the same time and this forum should help more wives and t girls come to some arrangement and understanding if they are "Davina type" crossdressers as we've given the phrase.
I've told my husband he can sign up here now but he still hasn't yet, I'll prod him today so you can read his side of this and his fears.
Emma (Wife)