By: Katie
Subject: Questions for Sindy (and Emma)
Hi
Just a few questions to get started.
I know some of them maybe slightly personal but they would help me to better understand how my wife might be feeling and what I can do to help her to accept my dressing. As you know it can be a delicate subject to bring up and although all the advice is keep the communication lines open it can also seem a bit obsessive to keep asking questions of a spouse.
1) How would you feel / react if you came home and found you son wearing his sisters / your clothes?
2) Do you think your reaction would be different now that you know more than you did before?
3) Would it be better if people were more aware about what crossdressing was as opposed to the media’s view, which tends to be gay drag queens or transsexuals?
4) Do you think better understanding leads to greater acceptance?
5) Do you think your husband understands your needs as a woman in accepting his crossdressing?
6) How do you define femininity?
7) If your husband reinforced his masculinity would this help you accept his crossdressing?
8) What would help to reinforce this masculinity, in the knowledge that he won’t stop dressing?
9) Do you think that the genders are converging or are women becoming more masculine in what they expect?
10) Is it fair that women can play on the masculine side but men can’t play on the feminine side?
11) If we accept that there are both negative and positive masculine and feminine traits is it right that men should try and avoid any feminine traits for fear of seeming weak and be the ‘macho man’ of old?
12) Do you believe that having asked the questions you have that you can accept your husband’s crossdressing on an intellectual level even though you might find it difficult at the moment on an emotional level?
13) Do you believe that there is a grieving process whereby you have lost your image of the man you married but that given time you can learn to love the new person he has become in your eyes?
14) What is your view of acceptance? Is it allowing him to dress in private, in front of / with you, in public? I think boundaries of what is acceptable are important so nobody feels uncomfortable.
15) Do you feel the burden of his secret?
If any other wives want to chip in it would be useful. I know that crossdressers can seem a little self-centered at times as it’s all about me so knowing how we can make a marriage better knowing the dressing is not going to go away would be really useful.
I hope I’m doing the right things but any advice is always welcome. Some of the answers may confirm this or if not they can help me make it better.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Katie's questions
My wife found out just over 3 years ago. We've been married now for over 23 years so it was a bit of a shock for her at the time. She did remain calm and said that it would make her want to leave me.
After that initial talk and a few tears (mainly form me) she's never asked or wanted to talk about it since. She said she knows she should be more tolerant but doesn't understand it. She just says it's something I need to do which is fine.
I once asked her what she'd do if she came home and found me dressed. She said she'd probably laugh - not to be nasty but just out of shock.
I think you're right about the big forums. I was a member of one for a couple of years but just found it got very repetitive and sometimes the advice been handed out just wasn't right. There seemed to be a lot of pressure to get out there and flaunt it - something I've not wanted to do. The best advice was always from the GGs as they'd often give it to you straight.
I used to think that maybe being a crossdresser meant my 'feminine' traits were enhanced. But I still see those same traits in non-crossdressers (at least to my knowledge) so I can't really claim being a CD makes me a better person. I'm the person I am and it is only society that labels them feminine or masculine personality traits which really only confuses the matter.