Don't feel stupid she's left them on your pile for a period of time all indications were that was done on purpose and 3 of us thought it a signal they were for you why else would they be with your pile of clothes.

If anything it's reminded her you're a crossdresser.

It's so hard to spark conversation so you can get it all out in the open. Katie has tried with a letter, you've done the same and so have I. Even after my letter to my wife it took a few years for her to come around to some kind of understanding and acceptance of my crossdressing and i'm sure in that time i felt the same periodically down that she wasn't getting it or was shutting down the conversation so don't give up.

Well I asked my wife about the tights and got a deffinate knock back that she wanted them, but it was the tone in her voice that told me 'they are not for you'!! So i feel really stupid now and completely down about this whole crossdressing thing, not made any progress in a year, at least I know where I stand.

Leave it with me and I'll let you all know what happens, thanks everyone xxx

Well two wives have said go for it.. and I agree even saying it joking are these for me as you've put them with my stuff and see what she says.

They are still among my clothes, I didn't move them, they've been there for over two weeks now, they are visible so my wife has had plenty of time to move them, and normally she wouldn't leave things like that lying around, it was just the way she'd placed them on top of my clothes.

I know this will sound stupid but I'm quite hesitant to ask her? I know I need to get a grasp on the situation but I don't want to push.

I agree its an easy in to a conversation may not be a loong one but try it if they are still there on your pile

I agree with Hannah ask her straight out are these yours or have you put them on my pile for me?

Hmmmm, I'll have think about that one, thanks Hannah, it was the bracelet incident that really got me thinking, I mean why would she just ignore a £75 bracelet from Pandora!

Thanks again x

I wanted to post a small update on how things are progressing with my wife.

Its now been a year since i came out to her as being a cross dresser, and of course six months since i gave her the letter.

I took the decision to not mention anything at all for several months after giving her the letter, i took the advice of the wives her and let things just settle down again.

The only time we have talked about anything to do with cross dressing was on holiday in April, we were having dinner one night and the conversation turned to my wife`s hairdresser and her nails that she had done for the holiday, i started asking her details of how nails where done, then we talked about hair and makeup, the conversation went on to how some of the hairdressers rent a chair in the salon and some are mobile hairdressers, i mentioned about the makeup artists and nail techs that go to the trans venues on a monthly basis in Leeds and Milton Keynes and how they book into a hotel that the cross dressers use and then let everyone know which room they are in and do the girls make up or nails for the night but that there are only a small number of these but a lot of girls that want their makeup and nails doing, it was obvious that i knew a lot about what goes on lol, she said i`m sure there are quite a few so i told her that there wasn`t that many that actually go to the venues for the girls, she just looked surprised, raised her eyebrows and that was the end of the conversation and we moved on to something else.

The other two things that have happened was that i seemed to have ended up with a bracelet that was a free gift for ordering other jewellery i asked my wife if she wanted it or to give it to her sister, she never really answered and has not taken any interest in it, she`s just left it alone, never touched it, it feels to me that she has given it to me but without actually saying you can have it, this is a bracelet worth £75 so i`m unsure if its mine or not but she`s never asked after it even when we went on holiday.

The other incident was after we came back off holiday, she had taken two boxes of stockings with her on holiday, and when we got back home she unpacked and left the stockings on top of my clothes, she didn`t put them away in her draw she just left them on my clothes, again not saying anything, just leaving them to what seamed to be for me, if she has given these things to me could it be that she doesn`t want to say anything for feeling embarrassed? Is all this her way of trying to be accepting but not actually having to say anything to me directly, i know i`m not imagining these incidents as you wouldn`t just leave an expensive bracelet and not wear it and she has never left any of her underwear like tights or stockings on my clothes before, she took those stockings straight out of her case and just left them there, i have left the next to my clothes and she has never moved them.

So what does everyone think, am i just imagining all this, have i got it all wrong, or do you think she is trying to make an effort to try and do small things for me.

Cat xxx

To think I've picked the kids up from school with panda eyes over the years...

So he still has Panda eyes Esme?

You can still tell when he's had makeup on?

I suppose you may tell as you know he dresses but others would have no idea.

Hannah (wife)

You are much better these days lol 😂 ❤

panda eyes are much better

Sou d's like your wife could handle the forum Cat bring her in to say hi we don't bite no matter what Davina says about me hehe.

I think when she first mentioned Panda eyes I had to Google it then I think I scrubbed and scrubbed my eye makeup thereafter to try to not have panda eyes and gave myself black eyes lol.

Think I've sussed it now Esme will have to comment..

I chat to lots of people some regularly in tvchix and some on Skype I've seen lots of t girls gain acceptance and lots go further to the right on the trans spectrum as I have myself in taking the next step out in public but not really changed my outlook ie it's fun and relaxing and sometimes a turn on. It's been good to connect with lots of wives and girlfriends too and the theme is it's easy to accept another man crossdressi g and chat to another man who crossdresses but not so easy to accept their man or talk to their man crossdressed.

Davina, I have cd and transgender friends all over the world since i started here on the forum, I have friends here, on Skype, Facebook, tvchix, Twitter and I've been chatting to Juliette Noir on YouTube and email, and of course Emma T, My online social life has never been so busy as a t-girl ;)

I think things will work out ok with myself and my wife given time.

Thanks to yourself as well, and you do know that Esme has let your secret out!!...(Panda Eyes)🐼😉

Love,

Cat xxx

Only you can judge how your wife will react and take things even though with discussing crisscrossing its into the unknown.

Why my tablet changes crossdressing into crisscrossing i don't know.

It's becoming more and more accepted thanks to the internet

Something i wanted to add to my reply was, when I'd given my wife the letter, a week later I asked her if she'd read it and she said yes, out of all the things she only seemed concerned about was the issue of going into a clothes shop and the both of us looking for a dress or other clothes, I asked her what was her concern And she said that she was worried that people would see it was for me, and I said what if we chose it together and i gave her the money and she went to pay for it? She seemed ok with that, so as things go i think now she knows everything i would like to achieve i won't need to keep coming up with things i keep wanting to do, it's a bit like ripping off a plaster quickly and getting the pain over with rather than trying to slowly pulling at it and it keeps hurting!

I know my wife and I think in the long run we'll be better off for it, that's the decision i decided to take, as you've mentioned in other posts, I took charge of the situation, I decided that if I didn't do what I thought I needed to do then nothing would happen and I assessed the situation thought about how my wife would react and with as much tact and thought for my wife as i could, compiled my letter, it's like a line you've got to find, and no one knows where that line is! Telling your S.O is unchartered territory for both the crossdresser and his S.O and as we all know, everyone's situation is different so no one really knows how far they can go before they cross that line. When I asked her if she'd read the letter one of the things she said was that she was just getting used to things, then i gave her the letter and it put her back a bit, so maybe I did push the envelope a little but there's no real damage done and we are both carrying on as normal as possible.

My plan now for the foreseeable future is to say nothing until I feel the time is right, putting all that in the letter is like releasing the valve on a pressure cooker for me and as i say, for my wife, she knows that there are no more shocks, I'm sure at some point we'll talk even if it's her taking the mickey out of me, to be honest I'd welcome it and it would brake the ice a bit :)

I'll keep you all informed as things happen.

I'll see if i can try and persuade her to join the forum, I think it would be good for her, but for now let's see how things go.

Thanks again for everyone's help and comments, and if anyone wants to bend my ear they are very welcome.

Lots of love

Cat xxx

Ok, thankyou both Esme and Emma for those comments, yes I think your both right and she has just thought, that's all too much and probably decided that if I don't say anything I won't have to deal with it.

I think the reason i put all that in was trying to cover everything in one go rather than keep bringing more and more up and her feeling I was escalating things, like oh god what does he want now.

But I see what you say it was all too much in one go!

I'll ask her how she just feels about things and as you say just admit there was too much and back track. She is deffinatly giving me more time to dress on my own and going out with her sister shopping for the whole day, and she knows i will be dressing, so thats a start, and I have thanked her for that.

Once again, thankyou both.

Cat xx

Esme is right as is Davina it's one thing putting things in writing it's another how things are read and I can see too much in your letter to make me think she's avoiding talking as it's a list of things to come within.

You've admitted too much too soon and probably she's put up her barriers on it.

We maybe wrong but you will only find out by starting that conversation and take it slow.

Emma (wife)

Hi Catriona

Davina asked me to give my opinion on the letter you sent to your wife as shes not shown any signs of opening communication with you around your crossdressing.

It starts off well showing your concern for your wife but then full steam ahead on your agenda.

I will be frank and say from a wifes point of view I can see why she’s not come back to you to sit down and talk.

You explain the stress that may have kick started you dressing but then you made many what could be regarded as demands which may have scared her such as:

- It would be so nice if, from time to time you could buy me small girly gifts like false nails, nail polish, or a necklace and bracelet, nothing expensive,

- or even if you felt you could, if we're out shopping and you could help me choose some clothes? - - Or we could sit and you could do my nails for me!

- And maybe one day in the future venture out into the world dressed??

- Or go and have a makeover!

- You want to be able to share your life with her as a dresser and not hide it away.

- I know i don't have the right to ask or expect anything from you, but i hope there is a place in your heart for my femme side and maybe it could be a new and exciting part to our life together??

This is all too much too soon for her and comes across as demands for the future you need to make smaller steps if you want her to accept this side of you.

It can be scary for a wife to read with regard to your crossdresing that you want your wife to accept “you for you”.

You mention you want her to be comfortable at whatever level she wants to be involved yet it comes across as pushy even though you state you dont want to push her as we know you do want her to be involved and be involved with the “demands”

She may be saying nothing as she’s a little freaked out with the progression she can see you wanting to head for.

I think you need to start again and take smaller steps and try to talk about it but not get carried away in where you want to end up with your crossdressing.

As an example when Davina told me I wanted nothing to do with it and for a long time ignored it with an agreement if he was going to crossdress it would have to be when I was out and leave no trace although I could always tell with his Panda eyes.

He brought up the subject many times and I didnt know what he wanted from me so it was hard.

The next agreement was he could dress at home when I was home but I didnt want to see him and he would dress sometimes if working from home and I would be downstairs in my lunch time and him upstairs out of sight but I knew he was dressed.

We talked some more bit by bit over a few years until the day I ventured up and saw him dressed and things changed from there a bit but that was my decision and on my terms I was not pressured or asked to see him dressed and was a shock to both of us that I did venture up and meet Davina.

As Davina said this was over an 8 year period and from that point things changed although I still didnt like it but it was not long after that we talked more openly and we had the first girls night in but thats not to say your wife will ever want to do that.

My advice no more letters. Sit her down and talk to her and I think you should apologise for some of the parts of the letter which may have scared her. You need to explain the positives you feel when crossdressing but as a first step ask would she be comfortable being in the same house as you when you’re dressed not necessarily with you or seeing you dressed if that is possible in your house.

She may feel the curiosity to come and see you not straight away but after a while or she may not but it is a first step and she is in control.

Good Luck

Esme :)