By: Katie
Subject: The loft whore.
My wife had a joke that men spend so much time closely guarding the contents of there lofts that they must have a whore up there!
I guess in a way I do.
When she first found out about my crossdressing one of her concerns was the condition of the clothes. Were they clean? She seemed horrified by the thought of dirty clothes stuffed in a suitcase.
They weren't which in itself causes a problem. I have to wash and dry them in a limited time frame which is OK during the summer months (full sunshine) or winter (radiators) but the rest of the year is difficult.
I don't want to wash them with hers because it then shoving it in her face. Equally it's me doing things behind her back again which I don't like. Not sure what the answer is but open to suggestions.
The other issue is everything is now stored in a wardrobe and small chest of draws along with my diving gear an other clothes put aways for storage.
It can make everything a bit musty over time and I'd love to have my now draw and place in a wardrobe downstair. Obviously it would need to be inaccessible to prying eyes.! Do you think that this is reasonable or is it a step to far?
One more question. I have often though about telling my sister. I find it difficult to talk to my wife and would like that face to face contact to discuss my crossdressing. Do you think I am within my rights to speak to her without speaking to my wife first? I don't think I should but wonder how you'd feel if your husband spoke to someone else about his crossdressing without telling you first.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: The loft whore.
Thanks Sindy. Wise words as always.
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: The loft whore.
It's my wife's fear that if others found out it would reflect badly on the both of us so our deal is no one else needs to know not friends, family or the kids.
It must make or have made it hard for my wife when I told her I cross dress not to be able to talk to someone openly about my dressing but I did say she could if she wanted.. She says she didn't / hasn't and I wouldn't care if she did as I can explain myself well enough.
No one would believe I crossdress .. People would tho o it's a wind up.
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: The loft whore.
And sorry, one more thing - Davina mentioned the scenario of your sister telling others and they might look at your wife differently as an indirect result.
This is always the natural assumption on forums and everywhere, but actually I experienced it the other way around. They looked at my husband differently and they almost felt sorry for me and more protective? My husband was the 'weirdo', not me. Which was interesting as we women always assume we will indirectly become social freaks or something. I didn't experience this. Your wife might be asked why she stays married to you (I was asked) but people will likely take great pity on her.
Women are known throughout history to sacrifice themselves for kids or marriage or whatever and to put up with A LOT in their relationships, so I now realize most people will sympathize with the wife of a crossdresser and I hope this can rest a few fears for any reading here. If yout biggest problem is personal social shame if others find out, don't worry - it's hard not saying this without insulting Davina and Katie and our husbands- but the truth is the stigma will be theirs alone. We are not crossdressers. We wives really do need to remember this.
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: The loft whore.
Maybe take the clothes to a laundrette out of the area? Who cares what complete strangers think of what you're washing. Maybe they're your girlfriends and you're just a very considerate guy! :)
And I'd be very wary of the sister issue. Absolutely don't tell her without talking to your wife first. But know that sister's and friends and parents can all react the same, and even worse, than your wife. I've told a couple of friends over the years, for general sanity, and one shrugged and didn't care. The other was utterly perplexed and I swear it took a while for her to look at my husband the same again. (Yes, he did know).
And neither of them ever wanted to talk about it again lol.
I'm not sure what you wish to discuss with your sister about crossdressing, Katie, but the honest truth is few people will be interested who aren't themselves crossdressers. There seems a very strong need in men who crossdress to tell people and be seen by others. Validation has been mentioned here, but of what? How good you are at your craft? Loneliness? Usually, people share 'hobbies' or activities with others who enjoy the same. Unless your wife and sister also crossdress, these are not the right people. Women might wear women's clothing and other feminine trappings but we are not natural allies of the crossdresser. They're just our clothes and don't hold the significance in our lives that they do for you.
Remember, it can't be unsaid. Your sister won't thank you for telling her, especially if she reacts poorly, and many a family member has wished they'd never known. Unless you're about to live as a woman fulltime, it won't be much different than if you informed her you love butt plugs and are wearing one right now! lol. People love to believe everyone needs and wants to know everything about everyone otherwise we're all living a lie. NOT TRUE. Most people want to get through life absorbing as little impact from others as possible. They're barely interested in people's public lives, let alone what they do in private. I suspect part of the reason crossdressers have such a hard time with general acceptance is most people feel it's not something they need to know. And this is key. It doesn't matter that you WANT to tell people, Katie. Do these people NEED to know?
Can you join a local support group for crossdressers maybe? I think this is the rare case when if your wife won't approve of a support group that you'd be within rights to go anyway. Being around like-minded people who can help you live better with this issue is best for you both, and I'm pretty sure these groups are like the CIA for discretion!
And I'll add - wives and partners need to know, so you did the right thing telling your wife, Katie. It impacts our lives sexually and otherwise. Usually, we need to know before the relationship gets serious so we can make a decision, but that's a whole other issue lol.
Everyone else should be case by case, and I'd suggest unless you're actively dressing around them, then almost no one else would be on the list, kids included. I don't know what everyone else thinks of the kid issue, but I don't agree with telling them. It's one of my deal-breakers in the marriage. I feel it would be selfish to tell as not only would it cause enormous confusion and pain for them (we're all adults here and we don't seem to get it!), it would only be so my husband could slack off with hiding it. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Telling can be a very selfish act.
I think that's maybe a way of deciding who to tell - am I doing it for my benefit, or theirs?
Just my thoughts anyway.
By: Emma RG
Subject: Re: The loft whore.
Ask her about washing your things she will know you need to or do it when home alone.
Leave your things out of sight in the attic.
Do not tell your sister at least not without talking to your wife about it first and gaining her agreement to let another person know you crossdress.
Why do you want to tell someone else? I'd not be happy.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: The loft whore.
I don't think my sister would think I was a pervert and certainly not gay. She is a very accepting and tolerant person - my nephew is gay and she has no problem with that at all. She's always been supportive and kept his 'secret' until he wanted to let everyone know.
I think the reason for telling my sister is that she would then be someone that my wife could confide in and talk openly about my crossdressing without being judged. If you like she would be a mediator.
I haven't told and wouldn't without first speaking to my wife. In moments of 'pink fog' I've thought about it but never got any further.
Washing and storage aren't a particularly big issue. I keep everything clean - I guess it's a form of acceptance if thing can be washed and stored in the 'open'.
By: Davina
Subject: Re: The loft whore.
I've only put my stuff up the attic as I needed the space under the bed and my kids are getting older though they'd never suspect the clothes were mine.
If she has concerns about you wearing dirty clothes and knows you crossdress but doesn't want to see you dressed then washing the clothes and drying them shouldn't be an issue.... But you will have to talk to her about this and put it gently in a I'm not rubbing it in your face but I need to wash the clothes and dry them.
I wash my stuff and stick it in the tumble drier I don't think my wife has an issue with this.
Again if you want to move "Katies" clothes downstairs you have to discuss it with your wife as her conditions being she wants no part and no evidence etc so the clothes downstairs I think is a no no at the moment.
1) Why do you want to tell your sister? What if she assumes you're gay, a pervert etc?
2) Don't tell anyone without your wifes blessing to pass on your secret..
3) Tell your sister she tells someone else even in confidence and the secret is out and people will look at your wife differently having an indirect effect on her.
I'm sure the Girls will add their thoughts soon but the above are my thoughts