Ok not crossdressing but in the agony aunt posts I've stolen she mentioned this guide so thought for completeness I'd look for it and post it here for comment seeing sez is one of the topics we cover with our Forum resident Expert Hannah (Wife).
One of the things I get regular in chats and in emails from members here or chatting elsewhere is their sex life has gone down hill not always related to crossdressing just in general.
I've not read through them myself yet but maybe there's something useful in here? Maybe its way off thread of this forum.
Anyway a claimed 50 easy tips to instantly make sex more fun.
It’s not easy to keep your sex life fresh and exciting through years of even the most loving relationship.
Here are my ideas for the faithful to give a loving, lasting relationship sexual staying power too.
1. Give your love life priority: Making love should be one of the most important parts of a relationship, yet many of us devote just 20 minutes at the end of the occasional day.
Adults have many demands on their time and energy, but take your role as your partner’s lover as seriously as you take your roles as worker, parent, friend, etc. Set aside time to make love properly.
2. Revive the dating game: Remember when you would meet up for dates, go out somewhere pleasant, talk together and look forward to getting up close and personal?
Agree with your partner that you will devote every Wednesday night or whenever to talking, sharing a drink and a DVD, relaxing together.
Sex must not be compulsory – but there’s a good chance you will both fancy it.
3. Make the most of the unexpected: If you suddenly realise you can both be home from work early one day, don’t mow the lawn or clean the cupboards.
Use that precious gift of unexpected time together to add the freshness of variety to your loving.
4. Vary your setting: If you always make love in your good old double bed, look for chances to vary WHERE you make love as well as when.
5. Learn massage: To be touched caringly is one of our most basic human needs – as crucial as food and drink – but all too often touching gets cut down to a minimum, even by couples having sex.
Sharing skilled, all-over body massage brings great physical pleasure and relaxation to both the giver and receiver.
6. Separate sex from the rest: No relationship is perfect. Do be careful not to let petty irritations get in the way of making love.
7. Take a trip: Don’t let cheats have all the fun. At least once a year, get away with your legitimate partner to spend as long as possible alone together in a pleasant setting.
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8. Share a bath or a shower: Not just sex in the shower. The bathroom has an atmosphere of relaxed intimacy. Make it a habit that one of you sits and chats while the other baths or showers.
9. Sort out the turn-offs: Sometimes husbands and wives develop habits or traits that put off their partner sexually. Talk honestly about what the problem is.
10. Change positions: Often you tend to settle for one or two which work. The trouble is this can lead to a growing sense of monotony. Promise yourselves that at least once a month you will try a different position.
11. Relax together: You generally need at least an hour together before sex to tune in to each other, relax, forget the other pressures of the day and to start to think about the pleasures you could share.
12. If you argue over how often you make love, negotiate a compromise: One of the most common sexual conflicts is how often couples are going to have sex.
It can lead to a tremendous easing of tension all round to bring the issue out into the open and work out a compromise. Agree which nights you will have sex and stick to it.
13. Remember there’s more to sex than intercourse: Don’t feel that sex always has to end with intercourse. It helps tremendously to break that deadening feeling of routine if at least sometimes you give each other satisfaction in other ways.
14. Don’t rush: To discover the more intense pleasure and passionate intimacy which in a good, lasting relationship, will more than replace the thrill of the new, you have to take your time.
Try slowing sex down and savouring each moment and each touch.
15. Dress up – or down: It helps to re-stimulate sexual triggers if our partner can’t always be sure what we will look and feel like when we make love.
If you usually go to bed in nightclothes, for example, surprise them by appearing stark naked.
16. Take up a new interest together: Don’t lose sight of one another as people.
Find a spare-time activity you can regularly share – going for a swim, bowling, badminton, a film club or drama society.
17. Take turns making love: At least once a month take it in turns to caress one another while the other is free simply to enjoy.
18. Make love over the phone: It doesn’t have to be heavy, but an occasional hot text or sexy voicemail brightens the day.
19. If you’re depressed, DO something about it: Even quite mild depression leads to less interest in sex – as can the medication to treat it. If you haven’t felt like making love for some time and there’s no other obvious reason, talk through your life with your partner and work out what might be getting you down and why. Don’t just let some unhappy situation drag on.
20. Ring the changes: At least once a week try to think of some little extra to add a touch of glamour to your love life – a bottle of sparkling wine, scented oil, a flower.
21. Beware undies! Any underwear department can tell you that in December they sell all their red and black ultra-sexy numbers to men who dream of partners in stockings and suspenders, lace and tight elastic. In January lots of women take them back.
If your man keeps trying to pressure you to wear his fantasy though it’s your nightmare, ask him how he would feel in lace-trimmed Y-fronts with see-through panels.
22. Start the day with a kiss: Even a little peck can set the right mood for your day.
23. Tune back in to sex: Don’t let sex become abandoned territory in your life. You can’t wind back the clock but you can tune yourself in to what’s new and interesting. Many men find sexy films exciting while lots of women seem to find the written word more arousing.
24. Deal with desire: The most common sexual problem among women in settled relationships is loss of desire.
Don’t get trapped in a cycle of blame and guilt. It can usually be sorted out – as long as you both have the commitment and willingness to change.
25. Don’t let the sun set on a niggle: If you’re harbouring a grudge, say something. It’s the first step towards clearing the air and opening the channels of communication to love each other again.
26. Experiment: Each of you make a note of three or four things you’d like to try – techniques, positions, touches, dressing-up, whatever – and swap ideas.
27. Share your fantasies: Many of us have images and scenarios that flash through our minds as we make love.
It can deepen your intimacy and be very exciting to share these fantasies – but only if you can trust your partner not to use them against you some time.
28. Is Big Brother watching you? If some of these suggestions strike you as too bold or embarrassing, ask yourself why. Remind yourself you are grown up now and free to have as much fun as you and your partner desire. You have nothing to lose but your inhibitions.
29. Who makes the first move? Does one of you always initiate sex? It can often liven up a dull patch to surprise your partner with an invitation.
Be careful not to make them feel threatened though.
30. Accept there are highs and lows: No one can live their life on a high of ecstasy. Be realistic and you are far less likely to end up disappointed.
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31. Do you need a boost? If you often avoid sex when your partner feels like it, it can often be because you are out of love with yourself rather than with your partner. Get out of this self-punishing cycle and give yourself as big a treat and ego boost as you can afford.
32. Time for a change? If you are often rebuffed by your partner when you feel like making love, don’t dig in defensively and blame their lack of sex drive. Ask what’s wrong. Suggest they describe what would be their idea of a perfect evening making love.
Then try to come as near to their outline as possible.
33. Fuel your desires: You won’t feel lively and energetic – sexually or in any other way – unless you provide your body with the right food to run on
Eat sensibly and remember, too much alcohol can be ruinous for your sex drive and performance.
34. Stop smoking: Smoking makes people smell and taste horrible. As you get older, smoking can seriously lower sexual responsiveness.
35. Start exercising: You don’t need to take up serious sport or hard exercise, but a toned body is a more sexy body. Get out for a good long walk once or twice a week, swim or join a yoga class.
36. Stop comparing: No more comparing your present relationship with ones from your past. Don’t lament what you’re missing but look at what you have and how you can build on it.
37. Take a break: Plan your lives so you have one day a month off alone together. You don’t have to do anything expensive.
A bus ride into the country and a peaceful walk will do you both a power of good.
38. Turn off the technology: Switch off all gadgets for a special hour or two when you give one another 100 per cent attention. Your relationship may die without that breathing space.
39. Say “I love you” at least once a day: But only if you mean it! We reserved British tend to think our partner must realise, but no one is a mind reader and it’s always a turn-on to be told.
40. Don’t let rows freeze over: If you do have a row – most of us do sometimes – don’t let it settle down into frosty silence.
41. Give each other a makeover: We are often very timid in our ideas of how attractive we could or dare to look.
Save up to give yourselves a joint treat and spend a day at the shops choosing outfits for each other.
42. Don’t take each other for granted: Don’t wait until disaster strikes your relationship – if it hasn’t already. Imagine how it would feel and take all those enjoyable precautions now.
43. Write love letters: Remember how wonderful it was to receive a love letter and restart the habit.
The occasional card or note will be treasured and more than repaid in love.
44. Focus on sensation: Just as we experience pain more intensely if we think about it and picture the hurt, so it is with pleasure. The most important organ of sexual pleasure is said to be the brain, so use it to concentrate when you make love.
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45. List the goodies: If you hit a patch when it all seems like too much trouble or you are tempted to stray, list the good things about your relationship that make it worth preserving.
Think what it is you’re missing and looking for elsewhere. It often comes down to a break from routine, more fun and appreciation.
All this can usually be had at home if you make a few changes.
46. Need quick thrills? Some of us are adrenalin addicts and need adventure and excitement in our lives.
Look for ways to supply that thrill other than through playing around with people’s feelings.
Sports can be the answer – playing anything competitively can add a thrill to life without breaking hearts.
47. Hand in hand: If sex seems to be losing sensation for you and you find it harder to become aroused, try placing your hand over your partner’s hand as they touch and stroke you.
This way of focusing on your lovemaking can make it come doubly alive.
48. Turn off the TV: Try a week without television – on holiday or at home. Playing games and talking more together often leads to our loving more together.
49. Don’t feel defeated: Go through this list and mark those you feel you could manage now, even if it’s only to suggest a day out and to eat more healthily. Promise yourself you will add one more each week.
50. THIS IS IT: Remind yourself every so often that what matters is what’s happening now. Life isn’t a rehearsal. Let’s live it to the full.
Oh there are a few things in there I'll comment on ... feel free to comment yourself
Davina
Oh Davina this is a tame list but as the resident sexpert i will add comments as you have in bold 1. Give your love life priority: Making love should be one of the most important parts of a relationship, yet many of us devote just 20 minutes at the end of the occasional day. I'd agree with this frequency 10 minutes twice a day once for Breakfast and then at Bedtime or split on 5 mins at lunch and 5 mins at bed time starting the day with a 10 minute session is getting out the right side of bed with a smile.
2. Revive the dating game: Remember when you would meet up for dates, go out somewhere pleasant, talk together and look forward to getting up close and personal?
This is a must especially if you have kids get alone time as a couple and even role play you're on the pull and chat one another up 3. Make the most of the unexpected: If you suddenly realise you can both be home from work early one day, don’t mow the lawn or clean the cupboards.
Yes quickies are the best sometimes 4. Vary your setting: If you always make love in your good old double bed, look for chances to vary WHERE you make love as well as when.
Outdoors is fun 5. Learn massage: To be touched caringly is one of our most basic human needs – as crucial as food and drink – but all too often touching gets cut down to a minimum, even by couples having sex. We're both good at this don't forget to massage between the legs and you know where, see how I'm behaving myself Davina I've not said anything like men like to be fingered too Oops
6. Separate sex from the rest: No relationship is perfect. Do be careful not to let petty irritations get in the way of making love. You're right this one rolls into others but sex when you have an argument can be the result and can be explosive.
7. Take a trip: Don’t let cheats have all the fun. At least once a year, get away with your legitimate partner to spend as long as possible alone together in a pleasant setting.
Dirty weekends are fab 4 8. Share a bath or a shower: Not just sex in the shower. The bathroom has an atmosphere of relaxed intimacy. Make it a habit that one of you sits and chats while the other baths or showers. mmmm Sex in the shower all slippery with shower gell
9. Sort out the turn-offs: Sometimes husbands and wives develop habits or traits that put off their partner sexually. Talk honestly about what the problem is. i cant think of any turn offs things like extremes are i suppose like deification and peeing no not for us
10. Change positions: Often you tend to settle for one or two which work. The trouble is this can lead to a growing sense of monotony. Promise yourselves that at least once a month you will try a different position.
Should do this throughout a session i think until you find the position to finish in and both orgasm he likes me on top i like him on top and from behind led on my front 11. Relax together: You generally need at least an hour together before sex to tune in to each other, relax, forget the other pressures of the day and to start to think about the pleasures you could share. Bring out the whale music and candles lol
12. If you argue over how often you make love, negotiate a compromise: One of the most common sexual conflicts is how often couples are going to have sex.
I've outlined this 2 - 3 times per day is the goal for you all as you resident why do men crossdress sexpert
13. Remember there’s more to sex than intercourse: Don’t feel that sex always has to end with intercourse. It helps tremendously to break that deadening feeling of routine if at least sometimes you give each other satisfaction in other ways. This is so right good foreplay and time any place is fun as are sexy toys ones for you and ones for him and ones for the both of you. don't be squeemish play those erogenous zones with the things designed for them
14. Don’t rush: To discover the more intense pleasure and passionate intimacy which in a good, lasting relationship, will more than replace the thrill of the new, you have to take your time. Sometimes a rushed session is fun if you're already both turned on 15. Dress up – or down: It helps to re-stimulate sexual triggers if our partner can’t always be sure what we will look and feel like when we make love.
I love sex with him when hes dressed as a woman i think it is better than when hes a man it certainly lasts longer and i think "it" gets longer and harder sorry i'm getting crude i'll stop describing it.
16. Take up a new interest together: Don’t lose sight of one another as people.
Like Knitting? 17. Take turns making love: At least once a month take it in turns to caress one another while the other is free simply to enjoy.
Agreed when you make love to him if hes dressed don't forget hes acting the woman you can act the man if you like and ... with a ... Dark Horse Emma knows what I mean 18. Make love over the phone: It doesn’t have to be heavy, but an occasional hot text or sexy voicemail brightens the day. Phone sex and online cam sex is a lot of fun here's a thing does it matter if its not with your husband or if he has phone of cam fun with someone else? I dare you to listen in and see how turned on someone gets chatting to your crossdresser husband you'll be surprised.
Depressed sexy 19. If you’re depressed, DO something about it: Even quite mild depression leads to less interest in sex – as can the medication to treat it. If you haven’t felt like making love for some time and there’s no other obvious reason, talk through your life with your partner and work out what might be getting you down and why. Don’t just let some unhappy situation drag on.
Depressed Sex? i'll take from the above the word drag on girls get your drag on and have sex as t girls that will help a lot with escapism and stress relief and fun 20. Ring the changes: At least once a week try to think of some little extra to add a touch of glamour to your love life – a bottle of sparkling wine, scented oil, a flower. Stockings and high heels, tease with new sexy lingerie or a dirty message or a dirty whisper in his ear.
21. Beware undies! Any underwear department can tell you that in December they sell all their red and black ultra-sexy numbers to men who dream of partners in stockings and suspenders, lace and tight elastic. In January lots of women take them back. Oh ladies shame on you the easiest way to turn him on is to put on some sexy lingerie stockings and heels and they're putty in your hands you can have sex or just tease the hell out of him and not let him touch what he can see in front of him makes me feel so in control and naughty and nasty to deny him when hes clearly gagging for it. 22. Start the day with a kiss: Even a little peck can set the right mood for your day. No start it with a snog or foreplay or sex
23. Tune back in to sex: Don’t let sex become abandoned territory in your life. You can’t wind back the clock but you can tune yourself in to what’s new and interesting. Many men find sexy films exciting while lots of women seem to find the written word more arousing.
2 -3 times per day on prescription from me 24. Deal with desire: The most common sexual problem among women in settled relationships is loss of desire. dont let this happen he will end up cheating on you or becoming bisexual for kicks take it from me i know 25. Don’t let the sun set on a niggle: If you’re harbouring a grudge, say something. It’s the first step towards clearing the air and opening the channels of communication to love each other again. Repeat argue and shag like bunnies
26. Experiment: Each of you make a note of three or four things you’d like to try – techniques, positions, touches, dressing-up, whatever – and swap ideas.
Only 3 or 4 things you'd like to try i'm sure theres more than that? can be eye opening to discover what he'd like to try eh Emma? wink. 27. Share your fantasies: Many of us have images and scenarios that flash through our minds as we make love. Again you'll be surprised what he comes up with i was and you may surprise him but share them dont be scared. And if you can try them out. 28. Is Big Brother watching you?
No doubt on our webcam sessions yes
29. Who makes the first move? Does one of you always initiate sex? It can often liven up a dull patch to surprise your partner with an invitation. Usually me actually on him he calls me a nympho
30. Accept there are highs and lows: No one can live their life on a high of ecstasy. Be realistic and you are far less likely to end up disappointed.
Make yourselve the highs 4 31. Do you need a boost? If you often avoid sex when your partner feels like it, it can often be because you are out of love with yourself rather than with your partner. Get out of this self-punishing cycle and give yourself as big a treat and ego boost as you can afford. Viagra?
32. Time for a change? If you are often rebuffed by your partner when you feel like making love, don’t dig in defensively and blame their lack of sex drive. Ask what’s wrong. Suggest they describe what would be their idea of a perfect evening making love. And if you're up for some fun there's self love. Do it in front of him he'll soon change his mind and refuse him touching you as you play yourself to orgasm or say fine and find a sexy chat on some on line chatroom with a stranger. Worked for me a few times and its anon they dont know you and i've had some really sexy chat. 33. Fuel your desires: You won’t feel lively and energetic – sexually or in any other way – unless you provide your body with the right food to run on Eat sensibly and remember, too much alcohol can be ruinous for your sex drive and performance. Yes being slim and fit helps i think which is why we try to be healthy
34. Stop smoking: Smoking makes people smell and taste horrible. As you get older, smoking can seriously lower sexual responsiveness. we dont smoke
35. Start exercising: You don’t need to take up serious sport or hard exercise, but a toned body is a more sexy body. Get out for a good long walk once or twice a week, swim or join a yoga class.
as above we stay healthy 36. Stop comparing: No more comparing your present relationship with ones from your past. Don’t lament what you’re missing but look at what you have and how you can build on it. oops guilty of this and also comparing other fun we've had but lets not go there
37. Take a break: Plan your lives so you have one day a month off alone together. You don’t have to do anything expensive. Dirty weekends again
38. Turn off the technology: Switch off all gadgets for a special hour or two when you give one another 100 per cent attention. Your relationship may die without that breathing space. Keep the vibrating gadgets at arms length
39. Say “I love you” at least once a day: But only if you mean it! We reserved British tend to think our partner must realise, but no one is a mind reader and it’s always a turn-on to be told.
we do this a lot
40. Don’t let rows freeze over: If you do have a row – most of us do sometimes – don’t let it settle down into frosty silence.
If you have a row have sex thats your new rule dont be starting a row to invole this clause though 41. Give each other a makeover: We are often very timid in our ideas of how attractive we could or dare to look. Lol yes dress him up as a woman and have fun with it 42. Don’t take each other for granted: Don’t wait until disaster strikes your relationship – if it hasn’t already. Imagine how it would feel and take all those enjoyable precautions now.
Debbie downer number 42 43. Write love letters: Remember how wonderful it was to receive a love letter and restart the habit. The occasional card or note will be treasured and more than repaid in love.
Dirty texts work especially when hes in company 44. Focus on sensation: Just as we experience pain more intensely if we think about it and picture the hurt, so it is with pleasure. The most important organ of sexual pleasure is said to be the brain, so use it to concentrate when you make love.
Pain can be fun the old nipple twist and candles be careful tho ice too on the nipples then your lips lots of dirty talking and noise is a turn on yes yes yes it is 4 45. List the goodies: If you hit a patch when it all seems like too much trouble or you are tempted to stray, list the good things about your relationship that make it worth preserving. Back to yes yes yes right there if its good let him know where and dont stop dont stop 46. Need quick thrills? Some of us are adrenalin addicts and need adventure and excitement in our lives. Outdoors and in risky locations when you may be caught or seen yes this is something we've done especially before we got married. 47. Hand in hand: If sex seems to be losing sensation for you and you find it harder to become aroused, try placing your hand over your partner’s hand as they touch and stroke you. Yes good idea heres my g spot 48. Turn off the TV: Try a week without television – on holiday or at home. Playing games and talking more together often leads to our loving more together. What about watching porn as you do it? some couples do that. dont frown at the thought of t girl porn its become his fav to watch and i got into it too. in fact id rather see a stunning t girl and a woman in a porno than a man and woman.
49. Don’t feel defeated: Go through this list and mark those you feel you could manage now, even if it’s only to suggest a day out and to eat more healthily. Promise yourself you will add one more each week. they ran out of ideas in these last few.
50. THIS IS IT: Remind yourself every so often that what matters is what’s happening now. Life isn’t a rehearsal. Let’s live it to the full. So there's my sexpert review of these 50 efforts to spice things up
Hannah (Wife) Why Do men crossdress resident Sexpert