One of the biggest decisions any crossdresser faces is whether—or when—to tell their partner that they crossdress.

I’ve been there. I know the fear. The "what ifs" can be deafening and i came out by mistake so the what if's were immediate and my wifes initial questions damning, her tears and her fears unbearable..

• What if she thinks I’m gay?

• What if she leaves me?

• What if she tells someone?

• What if this ruins everything?

But I also know what it’s like to hold that secret in. To carry it silently for years. To feel the weight of hiding part of who you are. And I know how hard it can be to stay honest even after you’ve opened up—because that’s when the real work begins.

For those considering coming out…

There’s no perfect time. No magic moment. But if it’s something that weighs on you, that’s a sign in itself.

Start small. Open a dialogue about gender, identity, or even your curiosity around certain clothing or styles.

Gauge her reaction. Then share more. Let her ask questions. Don’t overwhelm her with everything at once.

You’ve lived with this for years—she’s just hearing it for the first time.

Be prepared. For shock. For fear. For silence. (Silence can be the worst)..

It doesn’t mean she’s rejecting you—it means she’s processing something big. Her world might suddenly feel like it’s shifting. That’s normal.

What matters is what comes next: reassurance, honesty, space, and patience.

Tell her what this doesn’t mean. That you’re still you. That you’re still her partner. That you’re not planning to transition or come out to the world (unless that’s your path, in which case honesty is still key). That this isn’t about replacing her—it’s about expressing something within yourself.

If you’ve already come out…

The conversation shouldn’t stop there.

My own journey with my wife has been one of constant communication. I still reassure her. I still listen when she’s afraid—about what others might think, how our families would react, what it means for our relationship. I respect her boundaries. And I share things at a pace that keeps us both feeling safe.

One thing I’ve learned: trust is built in the little moments. Not just in telling her you dress—but in showing her how it fits into your life. Be open about when you dress. Keep no secrets. Invite her into your experience, even if just by reading your blog or seeing photos of your femme self. But always on her terms.

And above all—listen. Really listen. Her fears are valid. Her feelings matter just as much as yours. If she needs reassurance about your sexuality, your commitment, your intentions—give it freely. Not defensively. Not dismissively. But with love.

Because the truth is, being a crossdresser doesn’t mean you’re any less of a man, a partner, or a father. It just means you have another side. A softer side. A side you’ve come to embrace.

And if you’re lucky enough to be on this journey with someone you love—cherish that.

Keep talking. Keep sharing. Keep growing. Together.

Davina