When a wife or partner is intimate with her husband while he's presenting as a woman, it can stir up a lot of complex emotions.
For some women, it's not about shame or rejection—it’s about trying to process what it means for her identity, her own sexuality, and the dynamic between the two of you.
It doesn't necessarily mean she's uncomfortable with you, but she may be unsure how to define what that intimacy means for her.
Here are a few possible things she might be feeling, even if she hasn't voiced them:
Confusion around attraction: She may wonder, “If I’m being intimate with Davina, what does that say about me? Am I attracted to women? What does this mean for how I see myself?”
A desire to keep the fantasy contained: It might feel easier to enjoy the moment, but harder to talk about it after—like acknowledging it out loud makes it “too real” or forces her to confront feelings she’s not ready for.
Fear of change: Even if she’s accepting, there might be a quiet fear in the background—“What if this becomes all the time? What if I lose the man I married?”
None of that means she’s ashamed of you or what you share together. In fact, the fact that she’s still being intimate with you crossdressed shows she’s open and loving—but she might need more time, space, or just the right way to talk about it.
If you've been intimate with your wife whilst crossdressed count yourself very lucky.
Davina