https://cdtra007.wixsite.com/mysite/blog I'm more or less leaving this site to its members to now spark debate .. I'm putting my thoughts more into my personal blog 'Why I Crossdress' linked above.. I'll still monitor and contribute here .. There are 100s posts on why we cross dress but don't think I can come up with much more for the forum.. Lots on my why I cross dress blog which may help if anyone's interested .. My thoughts and personal ramblings about "Davina" my wife and others I communicate with regularly and maybe some advice and support too.. Feel free to post here and keep the forum going.. It a sometimes nice to see older posts commented on and revitalised. Davina

https://cdtra007.wixsite.com/mysite/post/reply-from-a-partner-what-i-m-afraid-to-say-out-loud This was emailed to me and I was given permission to post on my blog. Worth sharing here also a wife's fears about Crossdressing. Davina

Hey, join me at "Why I Crossdress" on the Spaces by Wix app to read "Digital Davina - Crossdreasing through video games - How common?" and more posts on the go. Join with this link: https://www.mobileapp.app/to/MszyW6V?ref=2_so. Got the app? Use the invite code: IGOQUX

Being a crossdresser can sometimes feel like living a double life—one that’s rich with emotion, expression, and identity, yet kept carefully hidden away. Even in a world with online communities, forums, and blogs like mine, where connection is just a click away, it can still feel surprisingly lonely. Sometimes you meet another t-girl and have a great chat. You share stories—how you first dressed, how far you’ve come, whether you’ve told your partner or are still carrying that secret alone. You might even swap advice, trade tips, or just have a laugh about makeup mishaps or wardrobe wins. There are moments of genuine connection, and they matter. But often, those conversations can feel fleeting. We log off, and that part of ourselves goes back in the box. We go back to pretending. Because the truth is, crossdressing is still taboo in many circles. We don’t know how someone will react if we open up. Will they be understanding, curious, confused—or will they turn away? Some of us have seen relationships falter or end because of this side of ourselves. It’s heartbreaking and leaves many scared to ever bring it up again. So we keep it to ourselves. But we’re not the only ones carrying the weight of secrecy. Our partners—those we’ve told—often shoulder it with us. Wives and girlfriends who’ve come to accept or try to understand our crossdressing can feel just as alone. Who can they talk to? It’s not exactly an easy topic to raise over coffee with a friend. They may fear being judged, misunderstood, or exposing something we’ve worked hard to keep private. That isolation is very real. That’s why it’s so valuable when wives and partners chime into our conversations, offer their point of view, or even start forming their own support networks. Hearing a woman say, “I get it, I’ve been there,” can mean the world to another partner silently struggling to make sense of things. It’s healing for all of us when we talk. When we’re honest. When we listen without judgement. Crossdressers need to talk to other crossdressers. Wives need to talk to other wives. And both need to be able to talk to each other—because it’s only through talking that we take down the walls of secrecy and fear. We don’t always have the answers, but we do have stories, and those stories matter. They’re lifelines in what can otherwise be a lonely sea. So let’s keep the conversation going—whether it’s in forums, messages, blogs, or quiet chats over a walk. Let’s make it less lonely, for all of us. This Forum is here for everyone to add their thoughts start a post, connect, comment chat.. Support one another ❤ Davina

Over the years, I’ve spoken to countless crossdressers and partners. One thing that stands out is how varied our experiences are. For some, crossdressing begins as a hobby—a playful escape, a bit of fun with fabrics and fantasy. For others, it becomes something deeper: a need. It offers peace, relief, or a way to process emotions. And for a few, it forms part of a core identity, almost like meeting your real self in the mirror. I personally find it shifts over time. What began as a secret thrill evolved into a sanctuary—a place I feel grounded. So… where do you fit? Has it changed for you? Is it fixed or fluid?

When a husband comes out as a crossdresser, it’s not only a personal revelation—it’s a relationship shift.  While he may be relieved to finally share this hidden part of himself, his wife is often left facing a whirlwind of emotions: confusion, grief, curiosity, even fear. It’s a lot to process. In another blog I explored what crossdressers need from their partners.  Now, it’s time to flip the lens and look at what wives may need when us husbands crossdress—because their journey is just as important. I’ve chatted to lots of wives including my own and formed the following opinions.. Any wives reading tell me if I’m right or wrong.. 1. Time and Space to ProcessMany wives don’t get the luxury of gradual self-discovery the way their husbands did.  For my wife it was a sudden chock one night. I.e. Often, they learn about crossdressing all at once—and are expected to instantly understand.  But they need time to reflect, to ask questions, and to sit with the emotional impact.  They may feel shocked, grieve the man they thought they knew, or wonder what this means for the future. Patience is key. Crossdressers need to allow their partners to move at their own pace. 2. Honesty and Transparency (Not Overload)Wives often say, “I just wish he’d told me sooner.” What they crave is honesty—not just about the crossdressing itself, but about how long it’s been going on, how often it happens, and what it means.  With this i’m glad i told my wife everything back to the 6 year old in tights being batman and the first feel of Nylon on my legs and didn't say you know you asked to dress me as a woman thats when it started which would have been a lie - but it did change the trajectory of Davina and my place on the Trans spectrum shifted as a result. That said, dumping years of pent-up emotion in one conversation was overwhelming for my wife. The key is gentle, ongoing honesty—opening the door without flooding the room. 3. Reassurance of Love and AttractionCrossdressing can shake a wife’s sense of being desired.  She might wonder: Am I still enough? Am I being replaced? Her husband might look and act differently when dressed—perhaps more feminine than she’s comfortable with.  I worried about this going out in public with my wife i had to be ultra fem acting etc would she freak at how i walked differently or just be glad i was trying to fit in and be unnoticed when out in London. I feel She needs to be reminded, again and again, that she is still loved, wanted, and me crossdressing isn’t a threat.. For many women, the deeper fear isn’t about the clothes—it’s about losing the emotional and romantic connection. 4. A Voice in the JourneyToo often, wives feel like they’ve been given a fait accompli. “This is who I am—deal with it.”  To an extent sometimes in frustration I’ve thought this when a chat hasn’t gone so well or if shes upset me about something in some way and i reflect on what I may be giving up or could have done or could have dressed to escape things.. I sometimes think deal with it so what I’m a crossdresser.. That however probably shuts down trust.  Instead, wives need to feel they have a voice: that their preferences, discomforts, and boundaries will be respected.  If she needs time before seeing her husband dressed, or wants to set limits around certain things, that deserves open discussion—not dismissal. It can always be renegotiated in the future as you talk more and become more comfortable. In a healthy relationship, crossdressing becomes something shared, not imposed. 5. Support From Others (Not Just You)Just as crossdressers need community, wives benefit from speaking to other women in similar situations.  I hope my wife will do this one day. Whether through forums, blogs, or personal friendships, being able to say “this is hard” to someone who gets it is invaluable.  If possible, help her find those spaces, or at least acknowledge that she has a right to her own support system—not every conversation needs to happen with you. 6. A Way to Reconnect With Her PartnerShe may feel like she’s sharing her husband with another woman—literally. It can help to carve out space for “just us” time, where she feels like she has her man back.  Whether that’s physical intimacy, shared activities, or small rituals that reaffirm the relationship, it’s not about erasing the feminine side—it’s about not losing the partnership that came before it. Wives of crossdressers are often asked to take huge emotional steps with little warning. They deserve compassion, patience, and space to voice their own needs.  Supporting them is not just about helping them tolerate crossdressing—it’s about helping them feel safe, seen, and secure in the relationship. I do hope I’m making sense Davina

Coming out as a crossdresser to your partner can feel like one of the scariest and most vulnerable steps you’ll ever take.  For many of us, crossdressing is not just about clothing—it’s about identity, expression, peace of mind, and emotional balance. But just as vital as expressing this side of ourselves is feeling understood and accepted by the people we love most. In this post, I try to explore and express what many crossdressers truly need from their partners—not just in words, but in emotional presence, openness, and curiosity. 1. A Safe Space to Be HonestOne of the most profound needs is to feel like we can be honest—without fear of ridicule or rejection.  Hiding this side of ourselves for years (even decades) often leads to shame or secrecy and it can be really lonely too.  2. Curiosity Instead of JudgmentNot every wife or partner will immediately understand what crossdressing means—or why it’s needed. That’s okay.  What matters is a willingness to ask questions, listen to answers, and stay curious.  I.e. “Help me help you to somehow understand what this means for me and for you”  3. Reassurance and AffirmationJust because we present as feminine at times doesn’t mean we stop loving our wives or partners. It doesn’t mean we change who we are. Many crossdressers fear that their partner will feel replaced or unwanted.  We need to actively give reassurance—and hope for some in return too. 4. Emotional Presence, Not PerfectionIt’s okay for a partner to be confused, even uncomfortable at times.  What we crave most is not instant acceptance, but emotional presence. “I’m not sure how I feel, but I’m still here” can mean the world. 5. Moments of Shared Joy (If They’re Open to It)If and when a partner is open to it, shared moments—watching a movie while dressed, helping with makeup, or shopping together—can build intimacy.  They don’t have to happen often, but even little steps like joking about shoes or sharing perfume choices help reduce the emotional distance. Being a crossdresser isn’t something we chose—it’s something we discovered, and for many of us, it’s become something we enjoy and fall back on to mentally escape.  Supportive partners don’t need to understand everything, but they do need to be open to walking the journey with us, even with a few wobbles. The main thing is when bot you or your wife need to talk don’t bottle it up talk - I’m a fine one giving this advice but sometimes find it hard myself to talk about I’ve not got it all sussed but hope in these blogs others think hmmm he’s onto something.. Stay tuned as I’m having brain waves .. Davina

Recently, I posted a link to my blog and forum in a Reddit group intended for wives and girlfriends of crossdressers. I did so with good intentions—hoping to offer support, insight, and maybe a little reassurance to women navigating something that can feel overwhelming, confusing, even heartbreaking at first. One of the responses I received was negative, pointing out that the subreddit wasn’t meant for crossdressers themselves, but for the partners. I understand that instinct. I know these spaces often serve as safe zones for people trying to process complex emotions, and I respect that completely. But I want to explain why I posted, and why I think voices like mine can be part of the healing process. My blog isn’t about defending crossdressing or pushing an agenda. It’s a personal story—my story. And in many ways, it’s our story: mine and my wife’s. It traces how I went from secretly wearing lingerie as a teenager, to becoming "Davina" (a name I use between me and my wife codeword and to the world my tgirl name or label) to opening up to my wife, and to eventually running a blog and a forum that have helped hundreds of crossdressers and their partners understand themselves and each other better. I’m not trying to speak over anyone. I’m trying to help. Because I know what it’s like to be the husband hiding this part of himself. I know the guilt, the fear, the shame. I also know what it feels like to finally be seen—and to be accepted. And I know what an emotional earthquake it can be for a wife or girlfriend who never expected the man she loves to tell her he crossdresses. That’s why I created my blog and the “Why Do Men Crossdress” forum: to shine some light on a subject that’s so often kept in the dark. To explain that this isn’t the end of the world. That it doesn’t mean your partner wants to become a woman. That it doesn’t mean your relationship is over. That it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or confused. And that many couples do find a way forward—often stronger and more open than before. If sharing a link to my writing can help even one woman better understand what her partner is going through, and what she’s going through too, then I think it’s worth it. Because this isn’t just about men in dresses. It’s about identity, communication, honesty, and love. And I promise—I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought it was harmful to wives, girlfriends, or relationships. Quite the opposite. I’m doing it because I want to help. Would you like to tweak or personalize this further before posting? Davina

One of the practical (and sometimes slightly nerve-wracking) questions for any crossdresser going out en femme is: "What do I do when I need the toilet?" I've been asked my opinion on this so here's a quick post.. It’s something many of us think about long before we even leave the hotel if we're going out dressed Here’s the simple truth: If you're presenting fully as a woman and you can pass as a woman or carry / convince yourself and others your a woman — you should use the women's toilet. When you're fully dressed — makeup, hair, outfit, and body language aligned — that's what people around you naturally expect. You’re blending in, living your feminine side confidently, and the women’s toilet is where you belong in that moment. If you're only partially presenting (say, androgynous clothes or just light makeup), or if you don't pass, or obviously a man in a dress it's a lot trickier. In that case, depending on your appearance and comfort, the men's restroom might feel safer — or better yet, a single-occupancy or gender-neutral toilet if one is available. When using the women's restroom: • Be polite and discreet. • Go in, do what you need to do, wash your hands, and leave. • No lingering, no unnecessary conversations (unless someone speaks to you casually). • Keep your body language soft and natural — simply be a woman among women. It’s about respect, blending, and minimizing any reason for discomfort — just like any other woman would do. Confidence really is key. If you act like you belong there (because you do in that moment), most people won't even glance twice. It's often our own nerves that make it feel scarier than it is. When I was first out as Davina, I was nervous too. But honestly? People are mostly too busy with their own lives to notice you. The more you trust yourself, the more natural it feels. And if you ever spot a gender-neutral option, that's a great choice too — completely no-pressure, no-worry. Quick Tips for Toilets • Dress the part: Fully presenting as female? Use the women's restroom. • Stay calm and confident: If you walk in naturally, most people won’t even notice you. • Be quick and discreet: Do what you need, wash your hands, smile politely if needed, and leave. • Use gender-neutral toilets if available: A great no-stress option when you're unsure. • Don’t linger: Treat it like a normal part of your day — because it is! • Trust yourself: You deserve to be out and living your truth. • If in doubt, scout ahead: Pick places you know are crossdresser-friendly or bigger venues with private stalls. Hope this helps? What does everyone else think? including wives? Davina

’ve often wondered how different the world might feel for us crossdressers if more celebrities or sports stars openly admitted they enjoy wearing women’s clothes. I don’t mean as a publicity stunt or stage costume—but genuinely, in their own time, just like so many of us do. Take someone like Harry Styles—massively successful, stylish, and unafraid to blur the fashion lines. He’s been photographed in dresses, lace, and pearls. It’s bold and great to see… but it always feels more like an artistic statement than a personal truth. And that’s fine. But imagine the impact if he, or someone else of his stature, said outright: “Yeah, I crossdress. I wear women’s clothes because I enjoy how they make me feel.” That would make waves. And what about in sports? Footballers, rugby players, cricketers (I played all those sports and crossdressed after playing those sports sometimes so it figures some pro sportsmen must do it too)—the very epitome of "manly men." What if one of them came forward and said, “When I’m not on the pitch, I love slipping into something soft and feminine. I’m still the same man, just a bit more rounded than society expects.” It would turn heads, sure, but it would also help normalize something so many of us have kept hidden for years. I’m not saying it’s easy. There’s massive pressure on public figures to maintain a certain image. But visibility matters. For many of us, crossdressing started young and in secret. I never imagined there were others like me until I discovered online forums and blogs. The loneliness, the guilt—it was all part of it, until I realized I wasn’t alone. Imagine if that reassurance could come earlier—just from seeing someone familiar and admired talk openly about it. It’s not about being famous. It’s about using visibility to break down shame and confusion. I’ve had messages from so many t-girls—and their partners—saying my blog helped them feel normal. That’s all most of us want. To feel normal. So maybe one day, a star striker or Oscar winner will open up about their own secret heels and dresses. And when they do, I hope the world listens—not with ridicule, but with understanding. Because crossdressing isn’t a joke. It’s not a kink. It’s a deeply personal expression that deserves the same respect as any other. Until then, I’ll keep writing, sharing, and helping others know they’re not alone. And maybe—just maybe—someone out there will be the first to take that bold step into the spotlight, heels and all. Davina

Hi everyone, Some of you have known me through this forum for years now—from when Why Do Men Crossdress first launched back in 2017. It’s been incredible seeing this space grow into a supportive, understanding community for crossdressers and their partners. I’ve had countless messages from t-girls and wives alike, and it means the world to know this forum has helped people come to terms with something that can be so confusing and isolating. But recently, I’ve felt the need to go a bit more personal again. I’ve started a new blog: Why I crossdress It’s more intimate—more about my journey as Davina. A place to put my thoughts down again like I did in the early days. I talk honestly about the emotions, the reasons I dress, the balance with family life, and everything from lingerie to identity. It’s not just about makeup and heels—it’s about why this part of me matters, how I navigate it, and what it’s taught me about myself. If you’ve ever read something on this forum and thought “That’s me too,” I think you’ll find something in the blog you relate to. And if your partner’s ever asked, “Why do you do this?”—maybe sharing a post or two from my blog might help. Here’s what you’ll find on the blog: • My honest reasons for crossdressing (with a pie chart to explain it!) • Reflections on the emotional side of dressing • Discussions about family, relationships, and finding balance • A bit of fun with my favourite looks and styles • Plans and dreams for Davina’s future I’m still posting on the forum and answering messages, and I’d love your feedback or suggestions. If it helps even one more person feel a little less alone or gives a wife a bit more understanding—then it’s worth every word. Thanks for reading and for all your support here over the years. Davina Visit the blog here and if you like it sign up https://cdtra007.wixsite.com/mysite/blog

This one’s not really for the t-girls—it’s for the women who love them. I'd have loved for my wife to have written this but this is me writing from our experiance and my wifes thoughts and feelings on being married to a crossdresser.. I'm adding it here as I know a lot of wives come straight here and i'm treading on toes as this part of the forum is for wives and partners to reflect but please hear me out and read on. This is to the wives, the girlfriends, the partners. The ones who were never expecting this to be part of their story, and now find themselves navigating a new chapter they didn’t write. If you’ve found out your husband crossdresses—or he’s just told you—first, breathe. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Confusion. Shock. Sadness. Even fear. You’re not alone. You’re not wrong. This isn’t something you had a say in, and it might feel like the man you love has suddenly shown you a side you didn’t know existed. My wife has walked this road. She’s asked the hard questions. She’s had the sleepless nights. She’s worried what it means for our marriage, for our future, for our family. She’s feared I might want to be a woman full-time. She’s wondered what people would think of her as the wife of a man who sometimes looks like a woman. She’s worried about work, about parents, about friends. And deep down, she’s wondered about my sexuality—“Am I really the only one he’s interested in?” Here’s what I can say from my side, and what she’s come to learn too: I’m still the same person. Crossdressing didn’t erase my love for her. It didn’t mean I was suddenly less of a man or less committed. It didn’t mean I wanted to transition or live full-time as Davina. It just meant I had another part of me that needed expression—one I’d hidden for too long. For my wife, the journey to acceptance hasn’t been instant. And that’s okay. It’s taken time, conversation, patience, and honesty. We’ve made space for her feelings and her pace. She needed to ask the same questions more than once—and I needed to answer them without frustration. I’ve reassured her again and again:Yes, I’m straight. No, I’m not looking for someone else. No, I’m not going to spring a life-altering change on you.Yes, I still want you.Yes, I’m still me. She’s learned that Davina isn’t a stranger who threatens our marriage—but a side of me that helps me feel whole. A way to unwind. To express. To escape stress. To feel peace. Sometimes she even says Davina’s the softer, calmer, more patient version of me. If you’re reading this as a partner, know this: You’re allowed to have boundaries. You’re allowed to feel unsure. You’re allowed to take your time. But also know this: you’re not alone. There are other wives out there who’ve faced this—and found ways not just to cope, but to connect. So maybe the best thing you can do—when you’re ready—is talk. To your partner. To other women in the same boat. To yourself, with honesty and compassion. And remember: your feelings matter just as much as his. Love is never one-sided. It’s not about blind acceptance—it’s about mutual understanding. And with time, with trust, and with tenderness, it’s possible to navigate this together. Davina

One of the biggest decisions any crossdresser faces is whether—or when—to tell their partner that they crossdress. I’ve been there. I know the fear. The "what ifs" can be deafening and i came out by mistake so the what if's were immediate and my wifes initial questions damning, her tears and her fears unbearable.. • What if she thinks I’m gay? • What if she leaves me? • What if she tells someone? • What if this ruins everything? But I also know what it’s like to hold that secret in. To carry it silently for years. To feel the weight of hiding part of who you are. And I know how hard it can be to stay honest even after you’ve opened up—because that’s when the real work begins. For those considering coming out… There’s no perfect time. No magic moment. But if it’s something that weighs on you, that’s a sign in itself. Start small. Open a dialogue about gender, identity, or even your curiosity around certain clothing or styles. Gauge her reaction. Then share more. Let her ask questions. Don’t overwhelm her with everything at once. You’ve lived with this for years—she’s just hearing it for the first time. Be prepared. For shock. For fear. For silence. (Silence can be the worst).. It doesn’t mean she’s rejecting you—it means she’s processing something big. Her world might suddenly feel like it’s shifting. That’s normal. What matters is what comes next: reassurance, honesty, space, and patience. Tell her what this doesn’t mean. That you’re still you. That you’re still her partner. That you’re not planning to transition or come out to the world (unless that’s your path, in which case honesty is still key). That this isn’t about replacing her—it’s about expressing something within yourself. If you’ve already come out… The conversation shouldn’t stop there. My own journey with my wife has been one of constant communication. I still reassure her. I still listen when she’s afraid—about what others might think, how our families would react, what it means for our relationship. I respect her boundaries. And I share things at a pace that keeps us both feeling safe. One thing I’ve learned: trust is built in the little moments. Not just in telling her you dress—but in showing her how it fits into your life. Be open about when you dress. Keep no secrets. Invite her into your experience, even if just by reading your blog or seeing photos of your femme self. But always on her terms. And above all—listen. Really listen. Her fears are valid. Her feelings matter just as much as yours. If she needs reassurance about your sexuality, your commitment, your intentions—give it freely. Not defensively. Not dismissively. But with love. Because the truth is, being a crossdresser doesn’t mean you’re any less of a man, a partner, or a father. It just means you have another side. A softer side. A side you’ve come to embrace. And if you’re lucky enough to be on this journey with someone you love—cherish that. Keep talking. Keep sharing. Keep growing. Together. Davina

Crossdressing, for me, has never just been about putting on a dress or slipping into a pair of heels. It’s a part of who I am—quietly, privately, and over the years, more confidently. But the path of being a crossdresser while juggling life, relationships, family, and responsibilities… that’s a delicate balancing act. For those of us lucky enough to be out to our partners—like I am—it’s still not always easy. There’s always that internal tightrope walk between self-expression and sensitivity to our partner’s comfort zone. Some days, I want to dress more, explore more, be Davina more often. But I also know my wife has her own boundaries, her own feelings, and her own fears—many of which we've talked through and continue to revisit as this journey unfolds. I write blogs like this to keep that conversation alive, not just between us, but with others who might be walking a similar path. I know firsthand how valuable it is to have that line of communication, to hear "I see you, I get it" from someone else. But I also see the other side—those who can’t be open, who aren't out to their partners. For many crossdressers, life is lived in secret. Hidden wardrobes. Stolen moments when the house is empty. Lingerie tucked away in boxes. Wigs and heels wrapped up and pushed to the back of cupboards. That sudden heart-racing moment when a car pulls up and you're mid-transformation. I’ve been there. Some find ways to express themselves while away with work—packing that extra bag with their femme clothes and sneaking out to dress in hotels or attend events like Sparkle or other trans meetups. But even that comes with guilt, secrecy, and a constant worry of being found out. It’s exactly what was described in the book Something to Confess—a t-girl sneaking away, dressing up in secret, even going out fully transformed while their partner remained in the dark. Then there's the added layer of having a family. Kids at home mean time and privacy are rare luxuries. That window of opportunity to dress gets smaller. You find yourself back in the closet, figuratively and literally, hiding things again, stealing slivers of time here and there. Not because you’re ashamed—but because life gets in the way. The truth is, crossdressing doesn’t just go away. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes, it’s at the front of your mind. Other times, it takes a back seat. But the need, the desire, the identity—it’s always there. So how do you balance it all? For me, the answer lies in honesty—when possible. Patience. Respect. And communication, over and over. It’s knowing that my wife’s acceptance took time, and still takes effort. That every time I step into Davina’s shoes, I do so without stepping on her feelings. That I don’t push too far too fast. And that I listen—truly listen—when she expresses fears or needs reassurance. And to those who aren’t out—I see you. I know the struggle. I know how lonely it can feel. That’s why I created my blog and forum in the first place—to help others feel less alone, to show that it’s possible to be a crossdresser and still be a loving partner, a parent, and a fully present human being. This journey isn’t perfect. It’s messy. But it’s also real. And it’s ours. Davina

A post from another wife.. When my husband first opened up to me about crossdressing, I won’t pretend it didn’t come as a shock. It was emotional, confusing, and I had so many questions—about him, about us, and yes, about what it meant for our relationship. But over time, what I discovered is something simple and beautiful: it doesn’t change who he is. In fact, it helped me understand him more deeply. He’s still the man I fell in love with. Still the brilliant, funny, strong, sensitive man I married. But he also has a hidden beautiful, graceful, feminine side of him I never expected. And surprisingly, I’ve come to see her as a best friend too. We talk about clothes, share makeup tips, and sometimes even giggle over a new dress or pair of heels. There’s something really special about sharing those moments—woman to woman—with your husband. Some people might not understand it. They assume crossdressing is about being gay, or perverted, or even about wanting to become a woman full-time. That hasn’t been our reality. For my husband, it’s about expression and escapism. It’s a way to relieve stress, to unwind, to reconnect with a softer energy inside himself. I see how happy he is when he becomes her—and as someone who loves him deeply, why wouldn’t I support that? I’ll be honest, it hasn’t always been easy. There are moments I still wrestle with it, especially when it comes to intimacy. But we’re learning together. And the key has been communication. Honest, vulnerable conversations have made all the difference. We’ve created our own language around it. We even joke about it now—quietly, privately. Like when I spray my perfume and say, “I know you like smelling like a woman,” or when I tease him about wearing knickers. Those moments make it feel light, safe, and real. Being in a relationship with a crossdresser doesn’t make me less of a woman. It doesn’t make him less of a man. It makes us more open, more empathetic, and in many ways—more intimate. We share a secret that’s become something quite beautiful between us. To the other wives and girlfriends out there—don’t panic. It’s okay to have questions, to feel unsure. But try not to let fear or judgement take over. Ask questions. Listen. Laugh together. Cry if you need to. But stay open. You might just discover a deeper love than you imagined—one that embraces every layer of the person you love. Esme

art 1: The Evolution of a Crossdresser: From Fantasy to Identity Crossdressing for many begins in secret, often tied to curiosity or excitement. For me, it began in my youth—an innocent fascination with lingerie and the softness of women's clothing. At first, it was thrilling, a private experience tied to discovery and sensuality. Over the years, it evolved into something deeper: identity, expression, and self-care. What started as occasional escapism turned into a grounded part of who I am. As Davina, I don’t just dress up. I transform. I feel at peace, confident, and emotionally whole. It’s no longer just fantasy—it's identity. Part 2: Explaining Crossdressing to a Partner: The Honest Conversation Telling my wife was the hardest, yet most essential step in accepting myself. Her initial reactions were shock, confusion, even fear. But over time, and with open communication, she began to understand that crossdressing is part of me—not something I chose, but something that helps me cope, connect, and feel alive. We had many difficult talks, moments of laughter, and even shared wardrobe tips. Her acceptance didn’t come overnight, but her love and support have made all the difference. Honesty, patience, and compassion are key. Part 3: The Sensual Side: Loving How You Look and Feel There’s something deeply empowering about looking in the mirror and loving what you see. When I become Davina, I feel sensual, graceful, and completely in tune with myself. The makeup, the heels, the dress—it’s more than clothes. It’s how they make me feel. That arousal that once came with dressing hasn’t disappeared entirely. It’s changed. It’s about confidence and beauty. Some might label this autogynephilia, but I call it self-appreciation. I feel sexy as Davina, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying that feeling. Part 4: Acceptance vs. Understanding: What We Hope For There's a difference between accepting and truly understanding. My wife accepts Davina, but I know she still has questions, worries, maybe even insecurities. That’s okay. What matters is she respects this part of me and allows it space in our lives. I wish society were more accepting, or even just curious without judgment. We don't need to be fully understood to be treated with kindness. But maybe through stories like mine, understanding will grow. Part 5: Sexuality and Crossdressing: Not the Same Thing One of the biggest misconceptions is that crossdressing is about being gay, bisexual, or perverted. The truth is, it has nothing to do with sexuality. I’m a straight man who loves women. I’m married and faithful. Crossdressing is not about who I’m attracted to, but how I feel. It’s escapism. It’s expression. It’s relief from the pressure of being the alpha male all the time. My identity as Davina lets me explore softness, beauty, and emotion that I often hide in my day-to-day life. Part 6: Creating a Femme Persona: Is She a Different Version of You? Davina is me, but also not me. She’s more confident, softer, and emotionally expressive. My wife says I’m nicer as Davina. Even my voice and posture change. Is she an act or a version of my true self that only emerges with the right clothes and mindset? Maybe she’s both. A persona that reveals the real me beneath the surface. Part 7: The Mental Health Benefits of Dressing: Escapism, Stress Relief, Confidence Crossdressing isn’t just a hobby. It’s a pressure valve. In times of stress, when I can’t dress, the weight of responsibility and expectation builds. Putting on a pair of panties or spraying a little perfume can take the edge off. Becoming Davina, fully dressed, can be an emotional reset. It helps my mental health, lets me feel free, and gives me a break from the constant performance of masculinity. It’s my therapy. Part 8: Raising Awareness: Changing the Narrative Around Crossdressing It’s time we rewrite the story. Crossdressing isn’t dangerous, disgusting, or deviant. It’s just another way people find themselves, express beauty, and cope with life. I hope my journey inspires others to be honest, feel seen, and know they’re not alone. Maybe one day I’ll write a book. For now, these blog posts are my way of helping people understand. If you’re reading this, know it’s okay to be different. To feel feminine. To enjoy dressing. You’re not broken. You’re brave. Davina

For many crossdressers, our femme world exists in the quiet shadows of everyday life. We take care to hide our dresses, our makeup, our wigs—every treasured piece of clothing and identity that helps us feel whole. We tuck away Davina (or whatever name we call our other self) in drawers, boxes, suitcases under the bed, or wardrobes locked away from curious eyes. But sometimes, we wonder: Have they seen it? Do they know? I’ve been crossdressing for years—secretly, quietly, and with more care than I’ve probably ever taken with anything else. Like many others, I store my female clothes and accessories discreetly, usually out of reach. And while I’ve mastered the art of hiding Davina when family is around, one thought occasionally lingers in the back of my mind: What if they’ve stumbled across something? My kids once admitted to searching for Christmas presents—snooping around like kids do, full of innocent curiosity. It made me wonder… What else have they seen? The wigs? The lingerie? The breast forms or makeup kits stashed at the back of the wardrobe? It’s entirely possible they’ve come across something they didn’t expect. But would they assume it was mine? That’s the strange protection many of us live under—the illusion of “he would never.” Because in our daily lives, we’re husbands, fathers, professionals, so-called alpha males. We play roles expected of us. And because of that, we often fly under the radar. If someone does find a pair of high heels or a silky negligee hidden away, the mind jumps to any explanation but the truth. Still, the question lingers. There’s a strange excitement in hiding, in nearly being caught. That adrenaline rush the moment you hear a key in the door, and you’re still half made-up. The close calls where you answer the door in a robe, knowing what you’re wearing underneath. The whispered hope that your secret is safe, mixed with the fantasy of what it might feel like if it weren’t. But this secrecy also weighs heavy. As much as I love being Davina, there’s always a wall between her and the rest of my life. She exists in the quiet moments I steal away, in hotel rooms during business trips, in the few hours I sometimes get alone at home. She lives in hiding, behind closet doors and zipped-up bags. And yet, sometimes I wonder: Would it really be so terrible if someone knew? What if they already suspect? Would they understand, even a little? For now, Davina remains my private world. A world of perfume, heels, and the swish of a dress. But maybe one day, that world won’t have to be quite so hidden. Until then, I’ll keep her safe. And maybe… just maybe… my family will continue believing I’m the last person they’d ever expect to be a crossdresser. Davina

There’s a certain thrill that comes with crossdressing—a mix of pleasure, expression, escape, and sometimes... danger. Not real danger, but the risk of being seen, being caught, or recognised. For many of us, that risk is part of the adrenaline, part of the excitement. Looking back, some of my earliest memories of dressing are laced with that very feeling. As a child, I would sneak into my mum’s wardrobe when no one was around, trying on clothes that stirred something deep inside me. More than once, I nearly got caught—rummaging would turn to panic at the sound of a key in the door. I wonder now, all these years later, did my mum know? Did she ever suspect? Maybe she turned a blind eye. Maybe she thought it was a phase. Maybe she knew more than she let on. In my teens, the urge didn’t go away. If anything, it grew stronger—and so did the risks. I remember trying on other women’s things: a friend’s mother’s stockings or heels left near the front door. I’d act casual on the outside, but my heart would be thumping like a drum. It wasn’t just about the feel of the clothing anymore—it was about being seen. Or almost seen. In my twenties, I had my own space. But that didn’t stop the thrill. I’d dress at home, knowing someone could knock at the door—or worse, walk right in. There were moments where I’d stay dressed just minutes before my wife was due home, dashing to change when I heard her key in the lock. She didn’t know about Davina then. But even with the fear, I sometimes wanted to be caught. Not to shock or upset her—but because being hidden was exhausting. Things changed over time. My wife now knows. And I’ve gone further than I ever imagined. Full makeup, wigs, outfits. Davina in her element. Yet, the thrill still lingers. Once, I was upstairs fully dressed—heels, perfume, hair done—when my mum popped round unannounced to collect something. She didn’t come up. She just called out from the hallway. But if she had walked up those stairs, she’d have seen Davina in all her glory. I remember holding my breath, frozen in place, listening to her footsteps. My heart was racing with fear... and a little bit of excitement too. Another moment sticks with me—being away with work, staying in a hotel, dressed fully as Davina. Confident, composed. I stepped into a lift to head out and passed two colleagues from work. They didn’t recognise me. I kept walking, heels clicking, chest tight, face calm. Later that evening, I returned to the hotel, walked across a mezzanine overlooking the bar—they were right there. Again, nothing. I was invisible to them, but the rush was unforgettable. Why does it feel so exciting to almost be caught? Maybe it’s validation—that someone could see Davina and not immediately point or laugh. Maybe it’s the liberation of getting away with something taboo. Maybe it’s just part of the journey: pushing boundaries, gaining confidence, and testing how much of ourselves we’re ready to reveal. Whatever it is, those moments have become part of my story and that of many others. Not just the fear, but the electricity of being seen, even if only almost. And sometimes, I wonder... what if someone had walked in? Davina

Emailled to me to publish from a wife of a Crossdresser from her experience not wanting to post herself but giving me permission to post on her behalf. When He Told Me I remember the moment vividly. He was nervous. I could see the tension in his eyes. When he said the words, "I crossdress," my mind spun. It wasn’t anger or disgust that I felt. It was confusion. Fear. A thousand questions raced through my mind: Why? For how long? Does this mean he's not attracted to me anymore? Is he gay? But I saw his vulnerability. This was hard for him. He was trusting me with something deeply personal. And I knew in that moment, I could either react with fear or love. I chose love. Discovering Her - Meeting her I didn’t meet "her" right away. It took time. Eventually, he introduced me to her. I won’t lie—it was strange at first. Seeing my husband with makeup, a wig, and dressed in clothes I might wear. But there was something in her brown eyes I recognised: kindness, sensitivity, and a desire to be understood. And oddly, a softness in her that sometimes wasn’t there in him. It made me wonder: is this his true self? Or just a part of who he is? When Others Noticed Her When he shared photos of her online, the compliments rolled in. Some from other crossdressers. Some from women. But most from men. Men who called her beautiful. Sexy. Tempting. It felt like a punch in the gut. I never expected to feel this threatened by my husband’s female persona. But there it was—insecurity, doubt, discomfort. I didn’t want to feel that way. But I did. Talking It Through We had hard conversations. I cried. He listened. He explained how it felt to be admired as her, not out of vanity, but because it helped validate the effort and beauty he felt inside. He assured me he wasn’t interested in men. That this wasn’t about sex. But I needed to hear it more than once. I needed to feel secure again. Not in his love for me, but in my place beside him—with her now part of our life. Learning to Share With time, I’ve learned to share. Not in the way you might think. I’m not sharing my husband with another person. I’m sharing him with a side of himself that brings him peace and joy. I still struggle with the attention she gets. I still feel that protective flare when men message him. But I also see how happy She makes him. And how safe he feels letting her be seen. What I Know Now Crossdressing doesn’t mean he’s not my husband anymore. It doesn’t mean he loves me less. It doesn’t mean he’s confused about who he is. It means he’s brave enough to be all of himself. And I’m brave enough to love him through it. from a Wife of a T-Girl

Being turned on by yourself while crossdressed—feeling aroused by your own feminine appearance—is a very common experience among crossdressers. For many, especially in their teens or early exploration, the erotic aspect is a big part of discovering this side of themselves. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. The term autogynephilia (coined by Dr. Ray Blanchard) describes someone being aroused by the thought or image of themselves as a woman. It’s a controversial term because it’s been used in the past in ways that felt judgmental or pathologizing. Many in the trans and crossdressing communities feel it oversimplifies things and ignores the emotional, creative, and identity-driven reasons people explore their femininity. Personally, Davina is about a lot more than just physical arousal. There's joy, expression, escapism, emotional depth, confidence, stress relief, and even intimacy with my wife involved. So being turned on by Davina doesn’t mean it's just a fetish—it’s one layer of a much richer experience. What matters most is how you feel about it and that it’s a positive, healthy part of your life. Would you say it was more prominent in your younger years and has shifted in meaning for you over time? That makes complete sense, and it's a really common journey for many crossdressers. For a lot of people, especially those who start exploring crossdressing in their teens, the arousal piece is one of the earliest and most noticeable aspects. It’s when hormones are high, curiosity is peaking, and anything taboo or secretive can feel intensely exciting—including discovering yourself in a different gender presentation. Over time, like you've experienced, things evolve. What might begin with arousal can develop into comfort, identity, expression, or even emotional sanctuary. That early thrill doesn’t invalidate the deeper meaning crossdressing holds for you now—it’s just one stage in a longer, more layered journey. Would you say your crossdressing today is more about how you feel emotionally and mentally than sexually, even if that aspect still lingers in the background at times? For me being Davina is more about how i feel, the escapism, how the clothing feels against my skin, perfume, but arousal still lingers i feel sexy as Davina i like how i look and feel as a woman it can still arouse me. it’s about being Davina and feeling a kind of empowerment, freedom, and yes, sensuality, that doesn’t come out in your day-to-day male life. That lingering arousal doesn’t make it wrong or take away from the deeper emotional and identity-driven aspects. For many, the sensuality and physical enjoyment of crossdressing coexist with the psychological benefits—like confidence, escapism, softness, and calm. Davina