Why do men Crossdress?? The forum

Having seen Davina's recent post about men's clothing I thought that I'd give my own ramblings. We're all aware of the saying 'clothes make the man' and I think that it really signifies the importance of clothes in our society. As we are only to aware clothes can be used to signify gender but they also have cultural, religious and class significance. They can show authority - stick on a high viz jacket and you suddenly acquire power you did not know you had! We wear clothes to belong. It is a uniform we wear to fit in with societies expectations. For most men it's pretty easy - we have a work out fit and a leisure outfit - typically jeans and a t shirt. Our choice of clothes shows we belong to a certain group. There may also be practical reasons - you don't run up to a building site in a suit - clothes must be functional and offer protection. Women also have these confines. They have work wear and leisure wear just a greater choice which sometimes makes it harder. Some women show a great interest in fashion and others just want to be comfy. My wife wishes her choices were a lot simpler at times and working from home it is - jeans and a t shirt. I don't think that our desire to crossdress is anything to do with lack of clothing choice. We crossdress because we want to belong to another group. We want to feel feminine, we want to part of the opposite gender, even if it is for a limited time. We want what we think are the best bits of being a woman. Quite often our choice of clothes is not practical - most women wouldn't want to wear high heels and skirts all day given the choice but in our minds eye that signifies femininity. My wife doesn't understand why, given the choice, I want to wear those clothes. To her life is easier just wearing jeans a t shirt without worrying what to wear. Our decision to wear women clothes runs deep than just lack of choice. As we discussed before we dress in a way that we find sexy, attractive and feminine. I think that, given the confines of our bodies, we go to the extreme end to try and hide our masculinity. A walk around TESCO will show that there is not a lot of difference on how men ad women dress - jeans and t shirts. My male side is thankful I don't have to worry about how I look as long as I fit within certain boundaries and abide by the rules. I think women are judged far more by society about how they look than men, I guess that's patriarchy in action. It's funny how when you watch sci-fi (thinking star trek here unless it's the Captain Kirk version where women were still sexualised) men and women all seem to wear the same clothes - a practical one piece. The colour signifies the job and insignia the rank. That would defiantly equal up the floor space needed at the department store 😂 I'll add more later. Katie x

I stumbled on this article whilst searching for this forum (I have to search it on google and not saved in my favourites 😂). https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/apr/05/steven-appleby-why-i-felt-liberated-when-i-started-dressing-as-a-woman Katie x

Every so often I read something and it resonates with my crossdressing. See what you think to the following: 'Picture yourself on a suburban hilltop in the rain and looking across a grey cityscape. It could be the town you grew up in or the one where you now live. In the rain it seems cold and inhospitable. The buildings look tattered and old. The streets are clogged with traffic and everyone seems miserable and bad tempered. Then something miraculous happens. The clouds part and the sun comes streaming through. The whole world is transformed in an instant. The windows of the buildings turn to gold. Grey concrete changes to burnished bronze. The streets look shiny and clean. A rainbow appears. The mucky river becomes an exotic; glistening serpent treading its way through the city. For a fabulous moment, everything seems to stop; your breathing, your heart, your mind, the birds in the sky, the traffic in the streets, time itself. All seem to pause, to take in the transformation. Such beautiful and unexpected changes in perspective have a dramatic effect – not only on what you see, but also on what you think and feel, and how you react to the world. They can radically alter your whole outlook on life in the blink of an eye. But what’s truly remarkable about them is that very little actually changes; the cityscape remains the same, but when the sun comes out you simply see the world in a different light. Nothing more.' Hope everyone is well. Stay safe. Katie x

I was interested to read this article and wondered if it's not a million miles away from what we do. We all have an alias and create an ideal self. Maybe the gamers avatar is just a different way of expressing the same thing. Especially as I'm too old to play games! Katie x https://www.theguardian.com/games/2021/apr/24/in-the-game-i-knew-myself-as-hannah-the-trans-gamers-finding-freedom-on-roblox

I was reading on of @LizT replies about how guilty she felt as a child for wanting to crossdress. Most of us started crossdressing as children. For many of us this was an innocent exploration. I remember swapping nightwear with my sister when I was really young. We thought is was hilarious parading in front of our parent, me in a nightie and her in PJs - our parents did not! I guess what I'm trying to say is that our first forays into crossdressing are really us just being kids. Exploring different parts of our personalities. I spent more time up a tree pretending to be Tarzan than in my sisters clothes when I was really young. It is all done in complete innocence. But as we grow we become defined by social norms. You learn it's OK to pretend to be Tarzan as a boy but not to like girls clothes. There was nothing sexual - I was too young - it was just fun. I liked girls clothes just as I liked to pretend to be Tarzan. As we grow up we learn that dressing as a girl is not acceptable. We start to feel this shame and guilt. I still don't know what made me start again - I knew it was wrong in societies eye but I just couldn't stop. I went through a myriad of feelings - Did I want to be a girl, was I gay (I didn't have a girlfriend but I liked girls), what if I got caught - it was tough to have these secret desires, something you couldn't share or talk about because by the time you reached an age where you were conscious that it wasn't acceptable it was too late. The secret gets buried deep and you try to stop. I know we've had the discussion about society not accepting us as crossdressers. We (as a society) are educated from a young age that it is wrong. We aren't born to think it is wrong it's just society that makes it that way. It is changing but slowly. But really the point I'm trying to make is that maybe there is something inside us that just likes 'feminine' things as we all naturally have things we like and dislike. We're not taught to like girls clothes (unless you are a girl) in fact we're taught exactly the opposite. It's just us being totally innocent and doing something that appeals when we are young and know no different. It is us doing something true to ourselves. It's not manufactured, Christ who would opt to crossdress knowing all the pain and hurt it might cause. We start in all innocence and then pay the price later. In effect society is punishing a child for doing something they enjoy. Katie x

I read this article https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/feb/09/kink-anthology-book-fear-shame and wondered if we just said crossdressing was kinky and tried not to distill it any more whether it would be more acceptable to our wives and partners. Katie x

After reading some of Karen O's posts I thought look at the aspect of betrayal in the relationship. It seems that her biggest emotion was the betrayal she felt after finding out her husband crossdressed. The fact that he wanted to crossdress was not important it was the fact that he had kept it secret for so many years that hurt the most. Betrayal is a strong emotion and a hard one to conquer. The following article is by is by Randi Gunther Ph.D. and was published in Psychology today. I'll add a link at the end. I thought I'd reproduce it as a whole so I could add my own thoughts and highlight parts that I think are particularly relevant . So here goes: 'In my four decades of being a relationship therapist, over half of the couples who come in to see me do so because of some kind of broken trust. Most of them want to rebuild their relationship, and many do stay together. Sadly, that doesn’t mean that they have truly healed that anguishing breach. There is a marked difference between preserving an existing relationship and committing to build a new one out of the rubble. The pain and sorrow that accompanies an anguishing rift in trust does not easily dissipate. Both partners must be fully committed to whatever it takes to learn from what has happened and turn towards a believable future. Even when there are strong feelings of guilt, fear, anger, hurt, insecurity, self-doubt, and humiliation, many intimate partners may still have a bond that they do not want to end. Their relationship may still be deeply connected to friends, family, religious or spiritual ideals, financial stability, and their mutual, important history. They may also abhor facing social judgments that can span from support to shame. Both partners struggle to balance between continuing a besieged relationship and experiencing the grief of splitting up. Betrayals come in many forms. When couples look back in time, they realize that some might have been predictable. Others seem to have crept up, without the partners realizing that an inevitable breach was about to occur. Even when a relationship seems healthy and unassailable, they can fall prey to a betrayal that cannot be easily predicted or explained. Most people hold the word betrayal as synonymous with infidelity. Perhaps that is because it is the most common form of broken trust in an intimate relationship, and represents the most basic elements that destroy faith between intimate partners. Committed partners traditionally promise one another that they will remain faithful for the duration of their relationship and they use that sacred agreement as the foundation of all other trusts between them. When one breaks that promise, the fallout from that deception infiltrates the sexual, emotional, mental, and spiritual bond that couple have based their love upon. Though both men and women share many overlapping emotional responses to being betrayed by a partner, the men I see often experience the loss differently. They tell me that they feel not only betrayed, but also robbed by a “brother” who has taken what was rightfully theirs. Even if they initially try to see their partner as having been taken advantage of by that other man, they eventually come to the realization that their deceiving partner had to have had a part in her decision, making it harder for them to forgive her. Many women whom I have treated are wounded and angry by their partner’s betrayals, but their underlying programming often makes them feel in some way responsible. Perhaps they feel that they have not been sexually satisfying or that men have a harder time being committed to just one woman. Even though they know that their partners made the decision to deceive, but still wonder what they might have done wrong. The sting of being replaced and the fear of loss often eclipse their legitimate feelings of betrayal. Those confusing contradictions are most often manifested in alternate feelings of rage and grief. Though infidelity encompasses areas that are familiar to most, there are other breaches of trust that can be as equally destructive to a relationship. They produce similar feelings and reactions, and the same challenges for couples to overcome. For example, the repeated patterns of people caught up in addictions can slowly erode the trust of any intimate partner. Those trying-hard-to-keep-believing partners often come to me riddled with the anguish of multiple broken promises from partners who have vowed to give up compulsive and destructive patterns of self-abuse. They want to believe each new set of promises, but wear thin over time being unable to compete with the demons that pull their partners away. (I don't think any crossdresser should promise that they will give up forever. I don't know of anyone who has successfully purged and never gone back to crossdressing - maybe people do but equally many just start again and keep the deception hidden) Why, then, if betrayal is so destructive to most relationships, do couples find themselves so often enmeshed in them, and what do they need to understand to not only make them less likely to happen but possible to overcome? When couples commit to a relationship, they agree to follow the ethics, values, and behaviors that will ensure that their relationship continues to thrive. Depending on how well they know themselves and each other, they make those agreements in good faith, and trust that each will live by them. However, in many long-term relationships, most people’s needs, desires, and dreams change over time. What each partner was very willing to commit to at the beginning of the relationship often needs reevaluation and revision as the relationship matures. If intimate partners are open and authentic with each other from the start, they let one another know right away if the original agreements need to be re-examined. They then work hard at renegotiating them to keep the partnership up-to-date and alive. They find no need to keep their thoughts and feelings from one another even if they are hard to express. In that kind of atmosphere of openness and authenticity, they do not allow secrecy to take root. (I think that this paragraph is particularly important. My needs, desires and dreams related to crossdressing have definitely changed over time) Unfortunately, that level of courageous and heroic openness is not typical for most partners. In many committed relationships, one or both partners may, over time, not feel as comfortable with his or her initial commitments and fear reprisal or loss if they confess them. Understandably reticent to share those potentially threatening feelings, that partner may keep them silent, hoping the thoughts or feelings are just a passing fancy and will hopefully dissipate over time. Sometimes, they do. But, at other times, they begin to take on a life of their own, becoming more difficult to ignore or confess. As those experiences grow stronger, they become the drivers that push that partner into acting upon them. Here is an illustration. Many years ago, I was working with a couple whose relationship was on the brink of disaster. There had been no infidelity, no addiction, no unspoken redistribution of funds, or any breaking of the bonds of devotion to family. Yet, what happened between them made reconciliation and healing impossible. John and Mary (fictitious names) had grown up in the same town and known each other since the fourth grade. They attended the same Catholic Church and schools together and their parents were devoted to each other and to their God. Their marriage was witnessed by over three hundred people who had known them since childhood, and blessed them for a charmed life of commitments to their religion and to each other. When John was accepted at a prestigious college in Boston, Mary and their 1-year-old daughter dutifully followed. They found a compatible church close by their modest apartment. They quickly made friends within the church and began their mutual devotion in the new parish. John had a style of kindness and openness that easily blended with other students and professors in his new academic environment. He began hanging out with people who had different social, economic, and religious points of view. As he learned about their new ways of looking at social, political, and religious ideas, he began to doubt some of the religious doctrines he had unerringly and willingly followed all of his life. At first, he felt like he was committing a sin to doubt his lifetime path to God. He didn’t have the heart to tell his wife of his conflict for fear that she would not be able to handle the situation. Yet, his desire to understand how his Catholicism fit into the greater picture of multiple religious devotions began to deepen and grow. Pretending to study at school, he began attending meetings at a Buddhist temple with the new friends he had grown to love and admire. The teachings felt freeing to him and more similar to the way he currently felt about his personal devotion to God. After a few months, Mary noticed that he seemed fidgety at church and uncomfortable in the presence of the priest. She suggested he go talk to him if he was struggling with something. She was sure he could help. Fortunately, the priest was gentle and supportive. He encouraged John to find the best in both of those paths and to search for a way to God that felt right for him. That night, emboldened by the priest’s kindness and understanding, he confessed his feelings to Mary, hoping she would understand. Sadly, his worst fears came to be. Aghast, angry, and frightened, Mary threatened to leave him if he did not immediately change his mind and his behavior. She felt not only betrayed, but humiliated that he had been “carrying on” with this “anti-Christ” behavior behind her back. She believed that her husband had perpetrated a terrible sin and that God would only forgive him if he immediately returned to their professed faith. Issuing him a final ultimatum, she would take their child and leave him forever were he to make any other decision. From Mary’s point of view, this was a case of unforgivable betrayal. John’s feelings of self-doubt and guilt combined with her understandable feelings of being deceived were no different from what I had witnessed many times in dealing with couples undergoing the betrayal of sexual infidelity. They had agreed to live by the same rules and ethics and he had knowingly deceived her by committing to another belief. She could not forgive him his act of betrayal and could not grow into a new agreement that would allow him to be authentic. Both were suffering the terrible loss of each other, but neither could give up the competitive commitments that were crucial to each. Sadly, their situation was irreconcilable. The agonizing breach eclipsed whatever bond they had carefully established and nurtured. But not all betrayals, even at this level of heartache, are beyond hope. I have seen other relationships where the partners so value one another that the concept that they will never be together again is simply unacceptable to both. They become committed to the possibility that the betrayal will somehow become the foundation for a deeper and more devoted relationship and they are willing to do whatever is necessary to make that happen. If a couple suffering the agony of broken trust is committed to transforming their relationship, they must both be willing to follow some clear guidelines for this kind of miraculous outcome to happen. The partner who has clearly betrayed the other must be able to witness and admit his or her intentional breaking of the emotional, physical, spiritual, or intellectual faith they once shared. That remorse must be absolute and the deception must not be excused by the situation at hand. People who have made self-serving decisions to act in a way that causes irreparable harm to their partners must be willingly accountable for what they have done. They cannot blame, make excuses, dismiss or minimize the action, nor expect their partners to heal before they are ready. They must also be willing to do whatever is necessary to put in the energy, time, and caring required to build a new relationship. The betrayed partners have their own path. Yes, they have had their world turned upside down and have undergone severe damage to their sense of trust, self-worth, and faith in the other partner. But, they must still be willing to fight for resolution despite their legitimate pain. If love and other sacred attachments are still present, those betrayed partners must be open to examine their own participation in what has happened and work hard to get through the understandable need to express their wounds and desires to retaliate. When the couples I’ve known who have been fully willing to commit to this hazardous journey, they look back at the betrayal as the wake-up call that preceded a new level of commitment and depth in their relationship. Katie x

I think that there maybe a dissonance it what crossdresser fear most about their wife / partner finding out that they are a crossdresser and what our wives and partners actually fear. I know that the thing that most worried me was that I would somehow be diminished in my wife eyes. That should would somehow as see me a lesser person than the one she married. She married a man and although my crossdressing is part of who I am I'd hate to think that she lost a little love for me because of it. That she could somehow no longer love the whole of me but only part. What are other peoples fears? Katie x

This seems to be a popular topic at the moment and so it got me thinking how this affects us as crossdressers. In a nutshell cognitive dissonance is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. People tend to seek consistency in their attitudes and perceptions, so this conflict causes feelings of unease or discomfort. I think the classic is 'I am a crossdresser' and 'Crossdressing is wrong'. This is a conflict that many of us have to resolve in our own minds before we can progress. We are bought up from a young age thinking that crossdressing is wrong, we hide behind our armour fearing discovery. At the same time we accept that we are crossdressers so this conflict goes on. Normally to resolve the dissonance we can change the thought, change the behaviour or add another thought. It is difficult o change the fact that we are a crossdresser, however, we can change the though that crossdressing is wrong. I addition by adding thoughts that crossdressing benefits us in someway ( it reduces stress) can also help to reduce the dissonance. For our wives and partners I think that the normal dissonance is that they are relaxed about men crossdressing as long as it is not their husband. This can cause a lot of conflict for our wives. To stop this it means that they must either stop their husband from crossdressing or need to find a way to change that thought or introduce other thoughts to countenance the negative thoughts. I think we all know that stopping a man from crossdressing is very difficult. If you add that fact that women are quite often relaxed about crossdressers it really only leaves the alternatives which are understanding and eductions. I think that many of the accepting wives here have learnt to overcome the negative thoughts and introduced positive thoughts as a way of overcoming the dissonance. I think that it would be useful to other crossdressers to understand what thoughts these wives have introduced. What processes they went through to come to terms with their husbands crossdressing. Do they agree that many women are OK with crossdressing? Casual observation from crossdressers out in public is that women are very accepting and even protective. Are there any other conflicts that arise from our crossdressing. Be keen to understand and learn more. Katie x

'As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed. We put on armour; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even disappear. Now as adults we realise that to live with courage, purpose, and connection - to be the people we long to be - we must again be vulnerable. The courage to be vulnerable means taking off the armour we use to protect ourselves, putting down the weapons that we use to keep people at a distance, showing up, and letting ourselves be seen' Brene Brown - Rising Strong' I sometimes wonder that as crossdressers we don't take off our armour and put on clothes that help us to express the part of us that nobody normally sees. It definitely makes me feel vulnerable but removing the weight of the armour helps me to live a normal life. Katie x

Just thought it is worth remembering when someone tries to label you as something you are not. Katie x

I was wondering how many of you remember this! Katie x

Anyone breaking social norms can often create a reaction from those who follow them or don't! I think it goes back to Sindy's 'uncanny valley' although the term was used to describe the relationship an objects resemblance to a human being and the emotional response we have to the object. This is primarily to do with how close the resemblance that a robot has to a human. There is point where the resemblance provokes uncanny or strangely familiar feelings of eeriness and revulsion in observers. This is the valley. Either side we are happy to accept. To far from human is fine and really close to human is fine. It's just the gap in between that causes those feelings. I think those sort of feelings can be created by people who don't follow the social norm. Sindy's example was crossdressers. Some where feminine enough (passable as an ordinary woman) for people to feel comfortable enough in their presences. Others are far enough away to be non-threatening. If you like a joke. But the gap in between causes this feeling of revulsion and shock. I was picking up some tools from Screwfix the other day and the woman serving had really hairy arms. Far more hairy than any other woman I had seen. My immediate response was a double take. It is so out of the normal that it caused a shock. Then I thought about it. She is only portraying her natural state. I guess her legs. under arm etc all followed the same pattern. But it was still shocking because it was against the social norm. It made me wonder about how many women on this forum would feel comfortable going 'au naturel'. Is it wanting to feel part of the social norm that stops you or do you not care what other people think because you know it will create shock! I will see some of the response before I come on to my next point 😀 Katie x

Interesting article and BTL comments: BTL comment: "There are 2 definitions of fetish - one is about sexual gratification and the other is worship or adoration. The description here suggests the latter, but it's not entirely clear if the stated pleasure in handling results in sexual gratification. If no sexual pleasure is required, then it's a matter of 'gender drag'. Being that, lots of ordinary blokes have fetishes which aren't considered fetish. eg. Cars, fishing, pigeon handling, specific antique collecting, potting shed tools, caps, hunting gear and so on. In this context collecting and appreciating women's shoes by a straight partnered male is therefore only classified a fetish by way of it's gender conformity variation, not because of the fact they are coveted objects alone. Any shame, insecurity or embarrassment is simply fear of a behaviour not assigned to the gender conformity, not the fact of the collecting and coveting. If sexual pleasure forms part of the activity of handling the shoes, then it sounds more like a case of a long term under-developed and basic reflexive sexual fetish, where obsession resides in the viewing and touching alone, rather than in any contextual use of the object. It's unclear if the partner actively enjoyed or approved of the interest, if it would encourage his relationship to these shoes to evolve into other areas of pleasure or acting out. Whatever the kind of pleasure attained, the writer seems adjusted to his interest and happy with it's boundaries, even if the partner is less keen." I guess the 'gender conformity variation' that is also the problem with crossdressing. Katie x

First thing I should say is that it takes balls to go and get counselling. Even in todays world there is still a stigma about mental health and admitting to yourself that you have a problem and need help is a massive step forward. The typical male response is that you'll get over it, bottle it up, the old 'stiff upper lip' approach. Well it doesn't work. If you don't face up to it and take action then it will just continue to fester and get worse. I was suffering from a bit of stress, depression, anxiety and low mood and wanted to try and do something about it. I went to the doctor who referred me to the NHS wellbeing people. I did attend a group session on managing stress but never felt that it got to the root of the problem - also not easy to discuss crossdressing in front of a group of strangers. Not that my crossdressing was a problem, it was just that with other stuff stacked on top that pushed me over the edge. Anyway I told my counsellor on my second visit that I crossdressed. As a professional she took it all in in her stride and we were able to discuss it in a number of the following sessions. It has helped me to start to come to terms with my crossdressing. I think that in line with most of the 'Davina' type crossdressers we start dressing at a young age. Speculating on why we start is probably pointless and so we must accept that it is something we need / want to do. As we've discussed previously it does have many positive effects on us but it can also create negative feelings. I think one thing I learnt is the we are plagued by the feeling of shame. We're learn from a young age that it is not OK for boys to want to dress as girls. Cowboys, Knights, even Batman but not a Princess! So we hide it and that bring an intense feeling of shame. I know sometimes we say we are guilty but that is not the right word. You feel guilty when you have done something wrong (we know crossdressing is not wrong) but shame when you are something wrong. We are made to feel 'wrong' and so the shame grows. Admitting to anyone that we crossdress makes us extremely vulnerable. We cannot control how the other person may react. To actually face up to it and explain to the one you love that you are a crossdresser takes an immense amount of courage. You lose total control and how the other person reacts can have a hugh impact on your relationship going forward. I know quite often the wives reaction is one of being deceived. Lied to, led on etc. It can affect her whole opinion of you. If you are rejected on top of the whole shame thing the consequences can be dire. Imagine pouring your heart out to someone, trusting them implicitly with your deepest secret only to have it thrown back in your face. Told you are a pervert or worse. We've held this secret for so many year, this shame that society thrusts upon us because we want to dress up. To feel close to the gender we most admirer, to want to share that feeling and experience. To be a close as possible. But being a crossdresser is part of my personality. It makes me who I am. It is an extra dimension. It allows me to be the person I am. Without the 'release' valve I couldn't be the other me. The dependable rock. That's why it hurts when we are not understood. If a wife says she loves you she cannot unless she accepts all of you. Can you love a bit of someone? It is devastating to have a part of you rejected as not good enough, weird, perverted. Something to be hidden and ashamed of. But my counsellor wants me to accept this as part of who I am. It does not define me, I'm not the crossdresser down the road. I'm me. Someone who likes to express different parts of their personality in different way. If I wanted to dress up as knight and re-enact battles at weekends nobody bats an eyelid. People even pay to come and watch. But say at the weekends I like to slip on a dress and heels and suddenly I some sort of weirdo! I think the point I'm trying to make is that my counselling has helped me to learn to deal with the shame. I do not need to feel shame for being who I am. I should be proud that it enables me to be the person I am. I feel a lot better about myself now. I don't think any of us really gets the chance to explore who we really are in an environment where the person you are talking to is non-judgemental. It really helps to have the support of a professional who can help you o discover things about yourself that you never realised. We all lead busy lives without really taking the chance to sit back and think. Having the counselling allowed me to take this time and I think everyone could benefit even if it is just to get stuff off your chest. Sorry to waffle on. I haven't really done it justice. Just touching the surface but hopefully gives you an idea but happy to answer questions and will add more later. Katie x

I came across this TED talk and it has had a profound affect on me. I've just listened to her audio book 'The Power of Vulnerability' on audible. Being a crossdresser makes us very vulnerable. We hide it from society, from our wives and partners. The fear makes us hide our true selves away. It has opened my eyes as I have all those emotions locked away inside me. It's not healthy. For wives, a crossdresser opening up to you about heir deepest, darkest secrets shows ultimate trust. Have a watch and see what you think. Katie x https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en

Sorry for the long absence. Not really had much to add lately but the article caught my eye and I thought this was an ideal forum to discuss. Have a read and see what you think. Katie x https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/24/my-boyfriend-wedding-dress-unveiled-shortcomings-masculinity

Interesting article https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jun/19/masculinity-trap-why-more-men-should-wear-skirts although not sure if 2019 is the year men start wearing skirts. I've been wearing them since the 70's! Katie x

I saw this posted reply on another site thread and wondered how you felt: 'For the longest time I believed that my SO had a male self and a female self that alternated. Eventually I saw that my SO was always my same SO, no matter how dressed. I stopped trying to define it as male or female, mostly because I don't generally see much difference between men and women except for what they can do with their physical bodies (men generally have more muscle mass, women can lactate, etc). By this I mean that men and women work the same jobs, enjoy the same pastimes (some men cook, some women enjoy football), have the same emotions (they both feel joy and sadness), share the same household and outdoor chores, take care of their same kids, etc. Whether my SO was dressed or not, we talked about the same things, ate the same food, did the same things together when hanging out, listened to the same music, watched the same movies, had our same opinions about things. Does this make sense? I honestly don't see a gender gap (except for the physical differences between males and females), and so I stopped stressing about whether my SO was male or female. He is simply my SO who enjoys presenting as a woman occasionally.' Katie x